


One and only

by Signe_chan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: DCBB 2013, M/M, soul bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-18
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-29 19:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1009163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signe_chan/pseuds/Signe_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean knows, really, that some day they'll probably have to shut the gate to heaven.  Angels, man.  What can you do?  But for now things are sweet.  He has a home, Sam's safe, and Cas, well, he's Cas.  And if the reason Dean's putting off slamming the door on their feathered neighbors is that he doesn't want to lose Cas when it took so long for them to finally get their shit together, well, Cas is going to leave him one day anyway when he finally works out what a loser Dean is.  So if Dean can put off closing the gates until he'd get all the good times he can, that's not such a bad thing, right?</p>
<p>So when hostile angels decide to cause a mess, the Winchesters realize they need to close the gates of heaven once and for all, but they're going to lose Cas too unless Dean can prove himself worthy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One and only

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Dean/Cas big bang 2013. 
> 
> Massive thanks to sammycolt24 who's beautiful art can be found through the fic. You can and should view the master-post and leave feedback for them [here](http://sammycolt24.livejournal.com/6125.html). 
> 
> Thank you also to Trojie who not only beta read this for me but on several occasions convinced me it was a worthwhile fic when I was losing faith so thank you, m'dear.

Leliel took a deep breath and let her eyes drift closed. Air. Real air. It felt...odd. But her vessel instinctively liked the feel of it and she'd waited for so long for this experience. To stand on the Earth. She stretched to fill her vessel, feeling every cell and every reaction. In a perfect world she would appear in her true form for what she was about to do but she knew that would be folly. You can’t rule a race you can’t speak to. 

She felt her brother and sister approach and turned to meet them. They landed beside her in the communal area of her vessel's apartment. Jerahmeel arrived first, his true self seeming to leak out of the vessel, a poor fit for his needs. He smiled, stretched, and Leliel smiled back at him benevolently.

"Brother," she said, spreading her arms. "We have arrived."

"Finally," Jerahmeel said with a grin. "It feels good to walk on the Earth. I’ve always wondered what made this place so special to Father. Maybe now I’ll finally work it out."

"We already know that there’s nothing really special about it," Leliel said with a shrug. "It doesn't matter; we can work with what we have. The raw materials are unpromising but we can improve on them. We need to put this right, it’s the least we can do."

"Sure," Jerahmeel said with a slow shrug. "I’ve got to admit I like the idea of running the world and, hey, not like we can fuck it up more than everyone who’s tried so far."

"Of course we can't," Leliel sneered. "Who would have thought Angels of such strength could be so easily defeated? Brought down by pride and their own petty ambition. I dream larger than that. I will finally bring this world to heel as Father intended!"

"And I'm sure the inhabitants will thank you for it," Jerahmeel confirmed, smiling. "They’re so filthy, so squalid, anything we can do for them could only be an improvement."

Zadkiel landed just in time to hear the end of the sentence, but she didn't smile as her brother and sister turned to her. Instead she shifted on the spot, twisting her vessel’s hands in the hem of the cardigan she wore. Leliel frowned, stepping forward to lay a hand on Zadkiel's shoulder.

"Sister, are you well?"

"Yeah," Zadkiel said, stepping back a little. "My vessel...she had a child. I just...it just took me a second to get away from it."

"Did you kill it?" Jerahmeel asked. Zadkiel looked shocked, as though the thought of killing had never occurred to her. Leliel rolled her eyes at them both. As co-conspirators they left something to be desired but given the current state of heaven she didn't have much to draw on. She'd taken this mission knowing it would be dangerous, her allies posed only a small risk. She would carry out their Father’s work as no other Angel had. 

"Jerameel, stand down. She's here, that's all that matters. No part of this plan involves us bickering amongst ourselves like children."

"But the plan isn’t set in stone yet?" Zadkiel asked, wringing her hands and Leliel sighed. “I mean, we could still decide in another way. I’m not sure this is how our Father would want us to rule, Leliel.” 

"We've talked, sister. We consulted the scriptures, there's nothing else to be done. The others are weak, they won't follow through on what our Father intended for this world. It falls to us, a destiny."

"But...the loss of life..."

"The survivors will sing our praise, celebrate how we've lifted them from fear and poverty and created a perfect world."

"I suppose you must be right," Zadkiel agreed, though she didn't look convinced. Leliel turned. For now that weak agreement would have to be enough. She’d done all she could to ready them, now she needed to turn her focus to the plan. 

***

There was something infinitely soothing about working on the Impala. He was sure it was partially the familiarity of it. The Impala had been his lady for a long time now. He'd built her up from the ground after various disasters. He knew every part of her and there was a kind of comfort in knowing something that well. He knew her and if she went wrong he knew how to fix her. 

Part of what made working on the Impala so good was that the Impala was home. These days, well, the Men of Letters bunker was home too and he loved that. Loved having a kitchen and a place to keep stuff and a bed that remembered him but Baby would always be home and she deserved some of his time. He enjoyed spending his time on her, with her.

He loved that he had time to do this now. It had been a long time since he'd been able to just, well, to indulge. It was always the end of the world somewhere, after all. They'd shuffled from disaster to disaster, never had time to stop and take stock and now, now he did.

He had a home. He had Sam, who was healthy. They had friends. Kevin and Charlie and Garth. The gates of hell were closed now: no more Crowley or Lucifer or anything and, well, he had Cas.

Just the thought of Cas made him grin. It was damn sappy and he sure as hell didn’t want anyone else to see it but it did. Cas...it had been so long and they'd been through so much and, well, it wasn't like there was anyone else who'd ever love him as much as Cas did. Cas was important to him. They'd spent so long messing around and lying to each other and trying to protect each other but now...now things were starting to be good. Like, really good.

He didn't know what he'd done to get this lucky but if he knew he’d be doing it every day.

He straightened up, wiping the oil from his hands on a rag and looking over to where Cas was sat. They’d both brought chairs out of the bunker, leaving Sam and Kevin inside poring over some text or another. Nerds. Cas had a beer in his hand to match the one Dean had beside baby's front left wheel. He was dressed in one of Dean's old shirts, and Dean didn't even have to work too hard to engineer Cas wearing his clothes. He liked Cas in his stuff, make it look like Cas was his.

Right now Cas looked...he looked content. He had that serene look on his face that they'd been seeing a lot more of since they cut back on the hunting and settled down. Dean liked it.

He walked over, interrupting whatever Cas was daydreaming about by his approach and grinning as Cas's eyes focused on him. Cas just rolled his eyes, used to Dean's demands for attention, and stood to meet him.

"Are you done with the car?" he asked, reaching forward to intercept Dean with a warm hand on his shoulder.

"Can be for now," Dean agreed easily. "If you can think of something else we can do..."

"I have some ideas," Cas confirmed, stepping in closer. Dean loved the way Cas never hesitated to take this when it was what he wanted. He kissed like he'd been doing it all his life instead of like it was a new thing to him, which it was. Dean could get lost in Cas's kisses and he didn't even fucking care how sappy it was that he thought that.

He had home and Sam and Cas and he was happy.

***

"Burgers are done," Dean yelled as he finished laying the bun on the last burger. He'd been in the mood for something traditional today so burgers were good. Didn't hurt that Cas loved the things so it would definitely put him in a good mood for the night, even if Sam did bitch about a healthy diet. He'd put salad on the plates too, what more could a guy want.

"I thought we were having pasta today," the predictable protest came from the door. Dean turned, raising an eyebrow and Sam just shrugged and moved into the room.

"Well, you want something else you can cook it," Dean said, grabbing two of the plates and carrying them to the table. "I felt like making burgers."

"No, burgers are good," Sam protested quickly and Dean preened a little because, yeah, his burgers were just that good.

"You said burgers?" Cas asked from the door. Dean grinned and presented the plate with a flourish. Cas flashed him a thankful smile as he moved to the table.

"The best burgers," he agreed. "You see Kevin on your way down?"

"Yes, he's with the Angel tablet again."

"He won't have heard you then," Sam said, frowning and standing. He had this weird thing about how hard Kevin worked when he was focused on prophet stuff. "I'll go fetch him."

"If he's working..." Dean started but Sam was already moving out the door and there wasn't much point in trying to stop him when he got in this kind of mood. "Fine, whatever. We're just going to start our burgers without you."

"Isn't that rude?" Cas asked, slipping into his seat, eyes on the burger. Dean shrugged and retrieved the other two plates. He dumped them on the table and sat down next to Cas.

"If you're waiting for those two to stop geeking and come to the table you might be waiting a while," Dean said, picking up his burger. "If their food goes cold it ain't my problem."

Cas seemed to think for a few second then shrugged, reaching over and picking up his burger. He took a reverent bite, letting his eyes close as he tasted the burger and Dean grinned. He liked feeding his people - liked seeing the looks of joy on their faces as they ate. Liked feeling that he was doing something for them.

"This is good," Cas said, his eyes opening again. "Thank you, Dean."

"Just shut up and eat your burger," Dean grumbled, hiding his grin with his food. Cas leant in close, bumping their shoulders together before he continued eating.

Then Sam and Kevin came back in.

Kevin looked like he'd been working. There was always this look about him, pale and drawn. Research took so damn much out of him and Dean kind of got why Sam hated it but he also knew Kevin couldn't stop. Being a prophet was a part of him and though the Angel tablet wasn't exactly high priority right now, things were really quiet on that front; he kept ending up drawn back to it.

"I heard there were burgers," Kevin said with a tired smile, sitting down at the table. "Couldn't resist that."

"Yeah, I make a pretty mean burger," Dean agreed, reaching out casually to push a plate closer to Kevin. Kevin smiled and sat down, reaching for the food. After a second Sam joined him, though he hovered a little. He always did, had some weird kind of guilt mixed up with Kevin or something. Dean wasn't one to judge, not on things like that.

"Did you learn anything of interest?" Cas asked. He was nearly finished with his burger already. Dean was seriously wondering if he should have made more than one each.

"Yeah, actually," Kevin said, pushing his plate to the side and leaning forward. "There was a new ritual I hadn't managed to find before, a bonding ritual."

"What kind of bonding?" Cas asked, raising an eyebrow. Dean found himself rolling his eyes. Cas had been following the progress of the Angel tablet a little too closely and, yeah, Dean didn't like to think about why. For now things were quiet, couldn't they all just enjoy that?

"A link between an Angel and a human," Kevin explained, leaning in. "I'm not entirely done with the translation yet but it seems to be a way of tying grace to a soul, so that the two can't be separated."

"What like slavery?" Sam asked, frowning in disapproval.

"No, that's the thing," Kevin said, finally picking up his burger. Kid needed to eat, looked like he might blow away in a strong breeze. "To make this ritual work, well, it can't just be any person doing it. The ritual relies on a strong bond already existing between the two, like a bond of brotherhood or love. Then the human has to prove they're worthy to hold the grace of an Angel and the bonding happens and that it, then. Forever."

"Like, the Angel would be bound to earth forever?" Sam asked. Cas had a weird look on his face; one Dean didn't want to think too deeply about.

"I don't think so," Kevin replied, shaking his head. "More like where the soul goes, the Angel goes too so at the end of the person's life both will pass into heaven and the Angel can carry the soul with them? I think. It's kind of vague on the particulars. You ever heard about anything like this, Cas?"

"No..." Cas said, slowly and clearly. "Or, rather, I have but that kind of bond...it's a myth. It's a story Angels pass between them, I didn't know it was possible but I guess if it was to exist anywhere it would be the Angel tablet."

"It is a really strong magic," Kevin said with a shrug. "Not just anyone could do it, it would have to be someone who was not only, well, in some kind of love with the Angel but was worthy of the Angel."

"Sounds like bullshit," Dean said with a shrug. "Can't all be useful stuff, I guess."

"I wouldn't dismiss this spell," Cas said, turning slightly to face Dean. "I can think of occasions when we might have need of it."

"I don't think so," Dean said with a shrug. "And there's no point on spending time on something that isn't any use."

"Hey, it's not like I choose what to read," Kevin grumbled.

"We know," Sam reassured him quickly. "It sounds really interesting to me, too. Maybe you could tell me and Cas some more about it?"

"Yeah, you nerds do that," Dean said with a roll of his eyes. "I'm going to go do something actually interesting. Sam, get the dishes."

"Whatever," Sam said with a shrug and Dean left the room quickly. He wasn't running, he was just walking fast. There was a difference.

***

Castiel had become something of an expert in finding Dean when Dean didn't want to be found. Though the bunker was warded to limited his powers he’d never needed them to find Dean. He knew Dean better than he knew anyone, finding Dean was easy. Getting him to talk about why he was hiding once he was found entailed more skill but Castiel was working on it.

Tonight Dean had been nervous, visibly uncomfortable with the subject but seemingly unaware of why so he was probably doing something that would block him from thinking. Normally that meant focusing on the car but it was raining so, instead, Cas headed for the weapons storage room.

Dean was stripping and reassembling guns. He did it with the kind of practiced ease that spoke of experience and Cas watched him for a second. He made the act look graceful, which was strange since he was servicing a weapon. Still, maybe that made sense for Dean.

Finally he came fully into the room. Dean looked up; his expression didn't have even a hint of surprise to find Cas there.

"Hey, Cas. You need something?"

"I simply wished to see you," Cas said, sitting down carefully across from Dean. Dean didn't look like he particularly believed that. "You rushed out of dinner."

"It's no big deal," Dean said, focusing back on his gun. "You guys can nerd out without me, whatever."

"That's not what this is about," Cas said, shaking his head. "Or, at least, I don't think so. Something is making you uncomfortable..."

"It's nothing," Dean insisted, shifting in his seat.

"It's the ritual," Castiel reminded him. "I know you enough to know that."

"The ritual's fine," Dean insisted. His hands had lost their earlier grace in movement and Cas wanted to reach over and still them but he knew if he stopped Dean's hands then Dean would just stand to pace. "It's not even important; we're never going to need it."

"We may," Cas said with a frown. "If some force were to try to separate us, it would be useful then."

"Seriously, nobody's going to do that," Dean said, still not looking up.

"They may," Cas said with a shrug. "And it would be good anyway, maybe. A reassurance. I do not...I would not wish to live without you any more, Dean. I will try my best to follow you through whatever is to come but I can't make any promises..."

"You don't need to promise forever, Cas," Dean said, finally setting the gun down. "We both know the world's crazy, forever isn't a promise anyone can make so why try?"

"I would try, for you."

"Well, I don't want you to," Dean said, standing up. Now the pacing began. "I don't...we're fine how we are, right? Why change things?"

"I do not want to change things," Cas insisted. “This is not about changing things. It is a reassurance. I do not think, Dean, that you conceive of eternity. No mortal does. You think of now and next week and this year and I have tried to be content with that but to know that I could be with you for all eternity? That has it’s appeal. I know that death himself could not keep me from your side, I would like that very much. I know it is too much to ask…” 

"No, I don't want to, Cas. There's all there is, really. I can't do it, don't want to do it."

"What about what I want?" Cas asked. This bond, he knew as well as anyone that tying yourself to another for eternity wasn't always a good plan but he was always his best when he stood by Dean. Not that Dean always brought out the best in him but when he'd worked against Dean, tried to go behind his back or such, he'd never fared well. He was best when he worked with Dean; he liked to think Dean was best when he worked with Cas.

"I just...I can't, damnit," Dean growled. "Just drop it, alright. I don't even want to think about it!"

Cas started to protest but Dean didn't listen, instead slamming out of the room and leaving Cas alone to think the conversation over.

***

Kevin ran a finger along the line of text on the tablet. He wasn't REALLY looking at it, though. Lost in his own thoughts. The Angel tablet was a lot easier to read than the Demon tablet, probably because he had the entire thing to work from. It was also kind of fascinating. Like, not in a 'wow, that might save me from certain death' way which always added a kind of shadow to curiosity but in a 'that's really awesome' kind of way.

It was also kind of awesome to have his own Angel around to check things with. Cas...he made translating the tablet a lot easier. He could help clarify things based on context. Sometimes reading the tablet was like reading a book written by Martians. Even if you had the language to understand it you wouldn’t get it because the cultures were too different.

Sam helped a lot, too. Not that he got Angels any more than Kevin but he seemed to like being with Kevin, like talking to him about things and most of the time it was nice just to have someone to talk to. In the worst time with the Demon tablet - the times he was going a little crazy - he could have really used someone just to talk to.

He looked down at the line again. A bond of love. The word love was weird. It didn't just mean love like it did to them, not to an Angel. It did mean romantic love but also the bonds of the closest family and comrades and, well, there was an innate sense about it of worth. It was like it didn't mean you loved them but instead that you found them worthy, which was interesting. Not loving someone just because they were there but because they were worthy of your love.

He kind of liked the idea.

"You alright?" Sam asked, and Kevin had almost forgotten he was there. Dependable as ever, poring over his own book across the table.

"Yeah," Kevin said. "Just thinking about this ritual."

"The bonding one?" Sam asked, leaning over. "You find out anything else about it?"

"Not yet, I'm just thinking," Kevin said, lifting his hand from the tablet. "It's weird; I don't think I get Angels at all. I don't think Dean does either though and he seems to get along alright."

"I think he and Cas have a language all of their own," Sam replied with a quick smile. "It's taken them long enough to develop it but it seems to be doing its job at last."

"Yeah," Kevin agreed - because it was kind of weird. He'd not thought of Dean as, well, as the kind of man who an Angel would love. He was too rough, too coarse, but that seemed to be the stuff that drew Cas in. Who knew, maybe Cas was just damaged. "It's just this ritual making me think. In Enochian, the word they use for love is all...it's not just love like we think of it but it's all caught up in ideas about worth and honour. I wonder if Cas has talked to Dean about that at all."

"Not likely," Sam snorted. "Dean's not...he doesn't really see himself as a person worth something. There'd probably be a lot more yelling for a while if they did have that conversation."

"I thought so," Kevin grinned. He'd noticed that, well, Dean was really proud of weird shit like grilling a burger but in general he tended to not think very much of himself. "Cas seemed really interested in this, though. Binding yourself to someone for life sounds kind of scary."

"It's just like a marriage though, right?" Sam prompted. "Bonding for life. I'd love to see Cas ask Dean to marry him, it'd be hilarious."

"I don't think it really is like a marriage," Kevin said, frowning down at the text. "It's not...not in the way we think of a marriage anyway. You can always divorce in a marriage or even if you don't want that you can live apart. This is a different kind of closeness. I think it's talking about an ability to, well, it says know or something like it but I guess it means sense each other everywhere and anywhere and to breach all sorts of other rituals and lores to be together. You'd never be able to hide from that person again for eternity, not even after death, and I don't think it can ever be broken."

"So, it's like a spiritual closeness?" Sam asked, leaning over as though looking at the symbols on the tablet would help him understand it.

"I guess?" Kevin said, shrugging. "There would be an aspect of physical closeness, like the two would have to remain on the same plane so while Dean is on Earth, Cas wouldn't be able to go to Heaven but, yeah, it's more about the feeling."

"Dean's never going to even consider it, then," Sam said with a shrug. "I guess it doesn't matter, anyway. It's not like we're going to need it."

"No," Kevin agreed. "It's just interesting. I think I was used for, well, like a bonding of souls? For an Angel and a human who would not be parted even by death but from what I'm getting from Cas, that kind of thing is frowned down on anyway now. Or, you know, it was before heaven imploded and it was an Angelic free-for-all."

"Must be weird, to need someone else that much you'd make an irreversible bond like that, especially when you know that forever means FOREVER."

"Yeah," Kevin said, eyes drifting back to the text and catching on a word that suddenly seemed to make sense. "Weird."

***

Cas didn't have to sleep, but most night he came to bed anyway. Well, most nights they had sex but, now, even after the sex or on the nights when they weren’t in the mood Cas would still be there. Dean had, honestly, gotten kind of used to him. Gotten used to having someone else there with him taking up the blankets and the space and radiating heat and sometimes wrapping himself around Dean. He always slept better on the nights when Cas came to bed with him. Or so he'd thought up until now.

Honestly, he'd kind of expected this to be the day Cas didn't come to bed since he was still obviously kind of pissed about the ritual thing Dean wouldn't talk about. He'd thought it would be a case of going and finding him and dragging him there with distracting kisses but Cas came to the bedroom willingly.

He came to the bedroom, changed for bed, lay down on the furthest side of the mattress and he didn't move. Didn't move when Dean spoke, when Dean touched him, when Dean kissed him and it was fucking weird, alright. That was all. It wasn't like Dean's feeling were hurt or anything - it was just weird.

Dean wasn't going to give in, though. He didn't want to talk about it as he knew talking to Cas about the ritual would inevitably spiral in to him making promises he couldn't keep and DOING the ritual. And then...

He had no idea what they were doing. He didn't really know what Cas was doing in his bed other than some bizarre form of Stockholm Syndrome. He knew it would drop to pieces eventually, everything in his life did. Hell, Sam hated him sometimes and Sam was family. He knew just what would happen if he agreed to this ritual. He'd try and he'd fail, inevitably and completely, and that would be it. Cas would get it, finally. Dean was putting that moment off as long as he could.

He knew this was going to end, Cas had to know it too as he knew Dean better than anyone. If Cas wanted to live in denial then, well, Dean was the last person to criticise that but he had to be realistic.

The one thing life had taught him was take your pleasures while you damn well can because it never lasts long before everything falls to pieces.

***

Cas still wasn't talking to him and Dean, he fucking hated this. Felt about ready to punch something, if he was honest. Cas had to know that sulking about the place like a child wasn't going to get him what he wanted but he'd still spent the night lying stiff as a board. In arm's reach but entirely unresponsive and Dean couldn't be expected to sleep when that kind of shit was going on.

When he'd finally given up on his dozing and got up Cas had gotten up too, still not saying anything or looking at Dean and Dean honestly couldn't figure out what he'd done. Sure, sometime he did stupid shit but this time he didn't know which of the things he'd done was stupid enough to warrant this.

He wasn't going to be the first to break, though. Cas knew him well enough now to know where to press to get Dean to give in and Dean...he couldn't. Not this time.

Dean got up as if nothing was wrong and went out into the bunker, Cas like a shadow behind him. Cas wanted to be an idiot that was fine. He could be an idiot. Dean wasn't playing his games. Dean was going to rise above it all and just pretend it wasn't happening.

Then Dean turned on the TV and found out that, while he was lying awkwardly across from Cas in the dark, Texas had been wiped from the face of the earth.

***

When the news had said Texas was gone it showed a picture out over the side of the crater. It had looked, well, it had looked bad but it might as well have been a stretch of desert from a cliff. It wasn't really that shocking.

Standing on the spot where San Antonio used to be, gun in hand, and seeing nothing for miles but scorched earth, that was shocking. That was real.

It took Dean a few seconds after landing to be able to move, it was so completely weird. When he could bring himself move again he crouched down, laying his hand on the floor and feeling the heat radiating off. Still hot, this had been done recently. The news said the last messages from the 'affected area' had been sent at about 4:05AM then...nothing.

Nobody who could be found had seen anything or heard anything and so far nobody who'd been down into the pit formerly known as Texas had found any traces of buildings or, well, anything. Everything was just GONE.

The news was calling it a strike from space, Dean thought he knew better than that.

Next to him Castiel stood still, looking around the crater. He had a look on his face of, well, shock? Maybe. It wasn't good anyway. Since Dean had turned on the news Cas had been all business, this was something big.

"Alright," Dean said, standing up. "I don't think there’s anything here I can see, how about you? Was this Demons?"

The fear, of course, was Demons. Something to do with hell. Either the fuckers getting out again or maybe this was some way they'd found of pounding on the door. He felt sick at the thought. Anything but Demons.

"I don't think so," Cas said, and something in Dean loosened a little. "But this was not natural, that is clear. I...there is something here. Walk with me?"

"Sure," Dean said, stepping forward with his gun still drawn. They walked for a while along the featureless landscape. Dean felt almost a fool for having his gun out where it was just compacted earth as far as the eye could see but everything about the place screamed how unnatural it was. There was something very, very wrong here and he didn't want to risk putting away his gun until he knew what was happening.

Castiel stopped every now and them to pick off dust, scrutinizing it between his fingers, sometimes staring at Dean as though he was going to find out what had happened there. Dean didn't have a damn clue what could do this. He was starting to wish they'd woken up Sam and Kevin before they'd rushed out. They were the research guys; he wasn't good at knowing things.

"I...I do feel something," Cas said finally, coming to a stop. "It's faint but..."

"What is it?" Dean asked, reaching out to grip Cas's arm. Cas turned to him, his face grim.

"I think this is the work of Angels."

***

If it got him away from the absence of Texas Dean didn't even mind Cas flying him back to the bunker. It was familiar and reassuringly there. Everything just as they'd left it last night when they went to bed angry.

Cas started to pull back but Dean turned, catching him and pulling him into a hug. Cas went willingly, pressing his face to the side of Dean's neck like he wanted to hide in there and never come out. Hell, he probably did want that. Dean couldn't blame him for not wanting to face this reality.

All this time they'd been trying to pretend this wasn't going to happen. Trying to kid themselves that now hell was shut, the Angels would just go away and leave them but it was never that simple.

More like they could never catch a break.

Cas held on just a little too hard but Dean didn't complain. Tried not to think at all beyond the immediate. They needed to deal with that and what had happened first before they had the luxury of thinking about anything else.

There was a cough and Dean looked around to find Sam in the doorway, an appropriately sombre expression on his face and a laptop in his hand. Dean stepped away from Cas and Cas let him go, folding in on himself instead and that definitely wasn't good. Dean reached over and snagged his hand, pulling him along as he walked towards Sam.

"Alright," he said, coming to a stop. "I'm guessing you've seen the news too?"

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "Kevin's awake; he's just scouring news sites for details. Have you been out there?"

"Yes," Cas said, his voice low. Dean squeezed his hand. Poor guy took anything to do with the Angels personally. Dean got that, he'd be torn up if Sam wiped out half of Texas. "I sensed traces of grace on the ground. It was not familiar, not a closer sibling but an Angel nonetheless."

"Why would an Angel come down and wipe out Texas?" Sam asked, frowning.

"Does it matter?" Dean answered. "We just need to find them and, I don't know, get them to stop. There must be something we can use in that damn tablet. Something in there has to be useful."

"I'll check with Kevin," Sam said. "Until then...what can we even do? Can you sense them, Cas?"

"Not easily," Cas said with a frown. "I could search, though. It might take some time."

"Do it," Dean ordered. "We can take over the news checking from Kevin while he looks at the tablet and if we all meet again at midday at the latest?"

"Sure," Sam said, but Castiel was already gone. Dean looked at the spot where he'd been stood a minute ago and sighed. He hoped to hell he wasn't going to have to ask Cas to kill another brother or sister for them.

***

"This is shit," Dean growled, slamming the laptop closed. "Nobody knows anything. Hell, we know more than anyone else. I'm getting really damn tired of reading the same article again and again."

"I know," Sam sighed, dropping the book he was reading. Dean didn't even know what the hell he was hoping to find in a book - he'd said something about checking for things powerful enough to do this in case the Angels had help. He didn't think they particularly needed help, they did alright on their own.

"You ever miss Crowley?" Dean sighed. "I mean, he was a sneaky little fuck but at least he never destroyed Texas for no reason."

"You know it's always been just a matter of time until something happened," Sam said with a put upon sigh, like Dean was being unreasonable or something. "It's no use acting shocked now it has. When we got rid of the Demons we left a power vacuum, something was going to step in to it."

"I wish, just for once, that it wouldn't," Dean growled. "Honestly, Sammy, I thought we were done with this. Well, hoped anyway. Thought he'd be back to chasing ghosts and the odd werewolf or something. All these Angels and Demons, life's been nothing but trouble since they showed up."

"Don't let Cas hear you say that," Sam said with a grin but Dean just rolled his eyes.

"Cas knows damn well he's the exception, not the rule. Though he's not exactly innocent on the trouble causing front himself, is he? Angels, man."

"He should be back soon," Sam said with a shrug. "The two of you can argue about it then. I've gotta admit I'd rather not be doing this again but, well, I don't think anyone would argue half of Texas being wiped out is a good thing."

Dean shrugged and looked at the clock. Nearly twelve so, yeah, Cas soon. He'd bet the Angel hadn't found anything or he'd have come back to get them already. Even with a damn Angel on their side they couldn't catch a break. It sucked.

"I'm gonna put the news on," he said, standing and stretching. "Might as well listen, though it's only going to be the same shit over and over."

Sam grunted and Dean took that as a sign to just go ahead, standing up and switching the beaten old TV set on. He was going to have to replace the thing, get some kind of flat screen setup, but...he just wasn't ready yet. It wasn't the time.

The news started, the presenters grim faced as they had been all morning, relating what was known all the incident, which worked out at exactly nothing. Still, better to listen to nothing then read about nothing all day. He dropped in to his seat, kicked his feet up on the table, then an Angel appeared in the middle of the TV studio.

Even if there'd been some doubt, Dean would have known she was an Angel right away. There was something in the shoulders, a kind of unspoken superiority. The whole lot of them thought they were better than the rest of the world, damn things. She had that kind of stiffness Cas had the first time they'd met, probably meant she was new to the vessel. Some kid fallen out of heaven to harass them. Great.

"I am Leliel," she said, looking around as the hosts of the show stuttered. Her vessel was a looker, a tall powerful women and they all seemed to shrink back around her. "I am your new God."

"Shit," Sam cursed, sitting up and paying attention. Dean sighed.

As quickly as Leliel had arrived she was gone, probably to catch the rest of the world's new broadcasts. Fucking Angels.

"Fucking Angels," he said. It felt good to say it out loud. "I wish they'd just fuck off and stop trying to play God."

A rustle behind him and Dean turned sharply but there was nobody there. Great, just fucking perfect. He should know to keep his damn mouth shut.

"Didn't you hear him land?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow. Dean winced. He'd gotten kind of, well, used to hearing that noise. He didn't always register it any more.

"No. Doesn't matter, anyway. This isn't about him, this time."

"So, what, you don't mind upsetting him?"

"If he didn't want it brought up that he once went around claiming he was God he shouldn't have gone around claiming he was God, should he? I need a fucking drink."

He stood, scraping his chair against the ground and stormed off to the kitchen. He was just so fucking sick of all of this.

***

Sam knew Dean. He knew Dean in ways even Dean didn't know Dean so he knew to wait in the main room to give Dean a chance to blow off some steam. He tried praying to Cas but Cas didn't answer. He couldn't blame the guy for that - declaring himself God had hardly been his greatest hour and they tended not to talk about it but, well.

Thing was, he didn't get what Dean was upset about. He'd been off for days, it wasn't just the Angel thing, there was something else going on here.

Not that he thought talking to Dean would help him work out what. Dean had got better as not hiding what was going on in his head but to call him good at talking things through would still be a complete lie.

So he waited it out, watching the TV news on loop. They reported on Leliel turning up, and the on her turning up on other news broadcasts, and then on her turning up in random locations and declaring herself God. They then manage to dredge up one of the old news tapes from the time Cas declared himself God and started speculating about that. Sam really hoped Cas wasn't watching the news, though it probably didn't sting as much coming from a news announcer as someone who was supposed to love you.

When it was getting up to two hours and neither of them had emerged, Sam admitted defeat on the wait it out strategy. Even Kevin had dropped in to see him in that time and Kevin was in full blown prophet mode, buried in languages nobody even knew existed anymore and arcane lore. He was just going to have to go in there.

He wasn't a coward, but somehow the closed door to the kitchen was suddenly really intimidating.

Dean was sat inside at the table, when Sam finally went on. There was a beer bottle on the table but it was full which was a good sign. Unless it was like the tenth. But when Dean looked up his eyes were clear. Sam took the bottle and poured it down the sink and Dean didn't stop him, just stared at his own hands. He kept staring at them as Sam moved in and sat down across from him.

"So," Sam said, leaning forward on to the table. "You want to tell me what the hell this is all about."

"Isn't that obvious?" Dean asked. "I'm just sick of dealing with idiot Angels who don't know how to behave themselves."

"Bullshit," Sam protested. "I mean, I get that it might piss you off a little but you were crabby even before all this shit happened and there's no reason for you to blow up at Cas. I thought you guys were good now."

"It's every reason to blow up at Cas," Dean growled. "He's a damn Angel, he should take care of this shit. Maybe I'm just sick of cleaning up Angelic messes."

"Cas is in no way responsible for this mess."

"Aren't they all his in the end? It all seems to come back to him. Hell, these are probably his best friends or something come to finish where he left off. I don't fucking know. I just..."

Sam stayed quiet for a moment, letting Dean run himself out. He looked tired, stressed. Not a good combination on anyone but on Dean it tended to lead towards destruction of self and others. Sam got the impression that the thing Dean was about to implode this time was his relationship with Castiel.

The thing was, he got that. He was kind of surprised they'd made it this far without imploding. Dean...he wasn't a relationship kind of guy. He didn't have any kind of frame of reference for how long term worked so, of course, he was going to panic. That was fine and normal. Cas had never had a working relationship either, they were probably a bad combination in that way. Sam had been expecting this for awhile, not that it made it any easier to know how to deal with.

"Alright," he said, leaning back in his chair. "Why are you really mad with Cas?"

"I told you..."

"No, you were upset before this Leliel thing. I know I'm the little brother but, in the case of having functional relationships, I'm the experienced one so you need to let me help you out."

"I've had functional relationships," Dean protested. "I was with Lisa for like a year."

"Yes," Sam agreed. "A year in which you lied to her, were depressed, tried to mould yourself to her lifestyle and failed and then at the end of it you ran away. It wasn't a functional relationship, Dean. It was a mess."

"And your track record's so much better..." Dean started but that so wasn't the point. Sam cut him off quickly.

"You're not mad with Cas because of the Angels. You're upset about something else. Tell me or I'm going to start guessing."

"You're wrong."

"You miss breasts. You realised you're in a stable relationship and are having a panic. Someone outside called you gay and you're having a panic. Cas said something to you that made you panic..."

"Why do all these scenarios involve me panicking?"

"Because you're the one who locked yourself in the kitchen to stare at a bottle of beer for, like, two hours."

"Cas ran away."

"Cas is sulking because you brought up the time he declared himself God. Stop distracting me. Let me think. Did Cas ask you for something you don’t want to give him or do? Did he say something to you that you didn't like?"

"No, drop it."

"No. I’m getting so tired of this. You two just go from perfectly happy to little balls of angst in seconds and you're giving me a headache. You were fine until...this isn't about the bonding ritual Kevin found, is it?"

"No," Dean protested, but Sam knew that note of panic in his eye.

"It so is!" he exclaimed, kicking back in his chair and standing up. "It's the bonding ritual you're panicking about. Did Cas ask you to Angel marry him and you're feeling emasculated?"

"It's not that," Dean growled, clenching his hands into fists. "I...fuck, did you even listen to Kevin when he was talking about that thing? It's all about proving your worth. This is me, Sam. What the fuck am I worthy of? I've got nothing. Let me tell you what happens if I try this. I get laughed at. I fail at the first hurdle and Cas realises what a fucking loser I am and leaves."

"You're being ridiculous."

"Am I, Sammy? It's only ever been a matter of time until Cas went. He's not going to stay forever with a person like me. Hell, I'm surprised he even stayed this long. I mean, I know he's messed up too but...I'm not worthy of loving an Angel, Sam and he wants me to try and once he sees that..."

"You're such an idiot," Sam growled, standing up and pacing. He should have known it would be something stupid like this. Dean could never just have normal angst. "Cas is the only one who gets to decide who's 'worthy' of him and he's followed you around for years, you think he's going to back out now because of some ritual?"

"You haven't seen him when he talks about it, Sammy. It's like he fucking...he fucking shines, alright? He wants this and it's just another fucking thing I can't give to him."

"You give him plenty."

"Not enough," Dean insisted. "Look, I know Cas is as big of a fuck up as me sometimes but if he'd never met me he wouldn't have messed up..."

"We know that isn't true."

"I ruin people's lives."

"Cas loves you. You have to know that Dean, it's obvious every time he looks at you. It has been for years. And for some reason you love him and I'm happy for you, I am. You've been through a lot of shit and a lot of misunderstanding and frankly I'm surprised that you've managed to learn to talk to each other instead of just going straight to the stabbing and I'm proud of you and if all the stuff you've done for Cas, all the things the two of you have gone through to be together, don't make you worthy of him then it's the test that's wrong."

"But Cas..."

"Loves you. Maybe he wants this but I promise you he wants you more. Just...just talk to him about it you complete idiot. If you haven't learnt by now that talking to each other is the best way of sorting this out then I'm don't even know why I'm trying."

"Fine," Dean said, dropping his head to the table in defeat. "Get the hell out. I'll call him."

"Good," Sam said, stalking to the door. "Actually talk to him too, don't like lie and evade. You hurt him, let him know why."

"Sam..."

"Don't, Dean. Just talk to him."

"Fine," Dean growled and Sam finally left the room. He'd done all he could, it was up to Dean from there.

***

Dean didn't want to talk to Cas. What he did want was to take back all the shit he'd just blurted at Sam, especially since he knew that if he didn't tell Cas about it. Sam would and that just wasn't fair.

Still, Sam was right. Want to or not he had to talk to Cas. They were going to need to work together on this entire Angel thing and, well, he needed to sort this out between them. Maybe Sam was right about him being crap at relationships but the reason he'd made it this far with Cas was that he seriously didn't want to mess up.

So he was going to have to talk about his feelings. Maybe it would be easier if the Angels just killed him.

"Cas," he prayed, closing his eyes and focusing. "I'm sorry, alright. Are you coming back?"

Silence for a beat, and then the sound of wings and when Dean opened his eyes Cas was sat across from him looking wild and unhappy.

"Hey," he said, standing and coming around the table so he could sit next to Cas. Cas tracked him with his eyes and, yeah, still angry but...more accepting than he had been and that wasn't good.

"I need to talk to you and, well, to say I'm sorry. The things I said before, they were out of line. I shouldn’t have said that."

"Why not?" Cas asked, defiant. "You were right. Since we took a more active interest in earth, Angels have brought nothing but suffering. This is just the latest in what I myself have done. How can I comment when I have stood before humanity and claimed Godhood?"

"You did it for us, Cas," Dean said, reaching over and grabbing Cas's arm. Cas let him and that was a good sign. "Look, I ain't going to justify how you went about it because they were messed up but...you did what you did because you wanted to make the world better for people. You never wiped out a chunk of Texas."

"My death count being lower excuses my sin?" Cas asked sardonically. Dean sighed, stroking at Cas's arm.

"Nope, not one bit. But your crap is your crap and you've atoned for it. What this woman's doing is NOTHING to do with you. I was wrong to say anything. I was just...I'm just stressed out Cas, alright?"

"Yes," Cas said, relaxing a fraction. "I accept that you didn't mean it, but the comparison is still valid and, as I have stood in her place, I know this Angel is capable of horrible things. We must stop her, Dean."

"Hey, I'm all for that," Dean said, forcing a smile. He wasn't avoiding talking to Cas about them or anything. It was just...right now there were other things to deal with. Soon it would be time for him and Cas.

"Do we have a plan, then?" Cas asked, standing. Dean stood next to him.

"No, not yet. We can go find the others now and talk, I guess. Just, Cas. This is going to be alright, right?"

"We shall see," Cas said, eyes down and face blank and, fuck, Dean hated seeing him like that. He didn't even know what to do with it. When they were friends he'd have punched him in the arm and probably hurt himself for his trouble but now...now what he really wanted to do was hug Cas until he stopped looking like that, but how the hell did you even go about that with a guy?

One of the many reasons he wasn't worthy, he was so bad at this.

As a compromise he slung an arm around Cas's shoulder and led him out the door. Cas leant in to the touch a little and that had to be enough.

***

When he'd left Dean to angst, Sam had gone to find Kevin to complain. Honestly, he hadn't wanted to go back to the books. They were...they were useless. There was no point avoiding it. There was nothing in them to help with this situation, their best hope was Kevin, so he went to Kevin to complain and to help.

Kevin had, when he'd moved into the bunker, taken over a small storage room and declared it his office. They'd moved all the crap out and moved a table and chairs in. Kevin liked large spaces to work so he could spread whatever he was working on all over the place, he was a very visual kind of guy and liked moving things around physically and bunching and unbunching them to see what patterns he could find.

Being in Kevin's study sometimes made Sam itch to clean up. It was so scattered and disorganised. He liked order. Neat piles that made sense. He liked cutting things back to the bare bones and keeping only what you needed to build a picture. Kevin hoarded everything.

One of the things he had was the Angel tablet in note card form. He had it copied out as well as they knew in two notebooks too (a rough and a neat) but he tended to use the cards more. They were all out now, spread across the table and Kevin was sorting and re-sorting them. When Sam came in he looked up and nodded, then went back to his sorting.

"Are you doing alright?" Sam asked, dropping down in out of the spare chairs in the room. There were enough chairs for them all in here if only because they used it as a kind of war room. The ideas Kevin laid out were normally too convoluted to move the entire thing to the main area so they ended up crowded in here together.

"Yeah," he said. "We have...well...an option. Where's Dean?"

"Making a mess of his relationship with Cas. They'll probably be through in a few minutes."

"He'd better not make too much of a mess," Kevin said, frowning. "We have things to do."

"I think they're on the fixing things stage," Sam said with a shrug. "Have you found anything that'll help us kill this Angel?"

"In theory, yes. In practice, no," Kevin said with a sigh. "I've been looking but, well, anything that'll kill an Angel in here is incredibly complex and uses a lot of shit we don't have. Stabbing them with an Angel blade is a lot better of an idea. I do have another solution but..."

"Yeah," Sam said with a sigh. "I can see where this is going, I think. Shall we wait for the others?"

"Sure," Kevin said, leaning back. "Are you alright? You seem kind of..."

"Tired," Sam supplied. "I am, actually. Try having this kind of shit as your life since, well, forever. you get kind of tired. Every new disaster is the worst disaster. It gets really boring. But, well, maybe this'll be the last one for a while?"

"Here's hoping," Kevin said with a grin, and then there were footsteps outside and Sam stood to open the door so Dean and Cas could troop in. They looked, well, not like they'd gotten all their shit out in the open but like they'd got at least some of their shit closer to out in the open than it had been and he'd take what he could get.

"Alright," he said as they sat down. "Kevin says killing her isn't such a great plan unless, you know, you feel like trying to stab her with an Angel blade."

"Them," Cas said with a frown. "Leliel may be the leader but I think it is likely, with the level of destruction they'd caused and the grace I felt at the impact sight, that there are other Angels working with her."

"Great," Dean said with a sigh. "That makes stabbing them even less likely. So, no knives. Other options?"

"Well, I might be able to find them for you and you can try talking to them?" Kevin suggested with a shrug. "There's a ritual for that here."

"Might work," Sam said. "I mean, they're basically capable of listening to reason, right?"

"I would hope so," Cas said. "And they may listen to me, I have been as they are but I think it more likely that they'll not listen to us - either attack or ignore us."

"But we can try," Sam encouraged. "It's worth trying. Anything else?"

"Well, there's the thing we're not talking about," Kevin said with a sigh, picking up a card.

"No," Dean said before Kevin could even begin to read. "Just no."

"Dean..." Sam started.

"We're not shutting the gates," Dean said, his hand reaching out as he did to lock around Cas's wrist. Cas looked down, seemed shocked to see Dean's hand there holding him close when other people were around. Sam wasn't shocked.

"We need to keep our options open," he said, simply. "None of us want to lose Cas..."

"Here's the thing," Kevin interrupted. "I don't think we have to. I know it's not a popular topic but...the bonding ritual I found..."

"It would keep me on earth," Castiel said, turning to look at Dean and, well, Sam didn't know what Cas found there but to him it looked like Dean was mid-panic. "When the gates closed I would remain here until your soul were to pass and then I could go through myself when you do."

"I...let's just...let's just not for now," Dean said, getting his expression under control with some effort. It'd be funny if it wasn't kind of sad how much Dean thought he wasn't worthy.

Wasn't really funny at all.

"Alright," Kevin said with a shrug. "Then I think talking's your first stop. You want to see the ritual, Cas?"

"Yes," Cas said, standing and slipping out of Dean's grip.

***

The Angel locating spell wasn't half as bad as Sam thought it was going to be and in a few hours they're ready to go. Castiel did the actual casting and, once he has a fix on their location, grabs Sam with one hand and Dean with the other and they were gone.

Apparently, the Angels had never heard of comfort. Or don't care for it anyway. Castiel dropped them in an abandoned warehouse and, seriously, what was it with supernatural entities and disused storage facilities? You'd think they'd have better taste. The room was large and dark and in the centre stood three people.

Three. One each. He definitely doesn't want to get into a fight here.

"Hello," the one they'd seen on TV, Leliel, said. She turned and smiled and Sam shuddered. She didn't seem in the least surprised to see them which was worrying. He didn't like the thought that Leliel had planned for them.

Behind her the two others drew their Angel blades. There was a man, or a male bodied thing. He was young and something about his expression just overflowed with arrogance. The other drew her blade more slowly. A women. Darker and smaller than Leliel, she held the blade as though not quite sure she wanted to use it.

"You must be Castiel," Leliel said, turning fully to them and opening her arms. "Welcome, brother. And are these the Winchesters with you?"

"Sister," Cas said, taking a cautious step forward. "We came here to talk with you."

"Of course you did," Leliel grinned. "I've been expecting you for some time. I‘d have thought you would come here before to show me the error of my ways. That is why you're here, right? To outline the ways in which I am wrong and you are right?"

"Look, lady, we just want to talk," Dean said, stepping forward with his hands raised. "We’re not here to fight."

"You know you'd lose if you did," she said, gesturing at her companions. "I've been rude. These are Zadkiel and Jerahmeel" she said, gesturing first to the female then the male Angels. "My loyal siblings."

"Nice to meet you," Dean said, not moving his gaze from Leliel. "We just want to talk, we want to understand why you're doing what you're doing. Can we do that?"

"I don't know, Dean," she said, casually dropping his name though he hadn't been introduced yet. Yeah, this wasn't right. She'd clearly planned for them and anything they had to say, they weren't going to have any luck here today. Sam had seen that look of determination on too many faces right before the owner of the face made a very bad decision. "I don't know if you can grasp our work here. Maybe we can help you?"

"You killed a lot of people last night, sister," Cas said, slowly like he was feeling the words out. "How would you justify that?"

"Oh, that's easy," she said with a shrug. "I'm building a new and better world for all humanity."

Cas took a deep breath in at that and looked over to Dean. Dean looked a bit like, well, like a normal person would look if they saw a ghost.

"You haven't made a better world for the people you've killed," Sam pointed out, covering for Dean and Cas as they stood looking at each other. "Aren't they part of humanity?"

"A regrettable cost," Leliel sighed as if she did truly regret the loss of those lives. "Any God must make their power known. We have read the scriptures closely, Castiel. We know the fate our Father intended for this earth and we know how you have worked against it. Now...now we will do what we can to put it right."

"It's too late," Castiel said. "The apocalypse ended."

"Why do we need that, thought?" Leliel asked. "It was to rid this earth of sin but your Winchesters did that just as nicely by closing the gate to hell. Now this world stands ready to receive divine guidance."

"And you believe you will be the one to give it to them."

"Yes," Leliel said simply. "We know you, Castiel. We know you failed at what we aim to do. Don't be despondent, if you had read of the scriptures you might have succeeded but now is our time."

As she spoke Jerahmeel stepped forward, swinging his sword dangerously. Zadkiel nodded along to the parts about improving humanity like a good little soldier, clearly a true believer.

"You will not succeed in this, Leliel. Humanity will not be ruled."

"It will with the right motivation," she said, grinning. "Already their prayers turn to me."

"A fraction, yes. But not all of them. Never all of them."

"Well, that's simple," she said with a shrug. "The ones who do not agree to worship me will die. I can't provide a heaven to those who do not believe, Castiel. That was your first problem."

"How many will you kill?" Castiel asked.

"Only as many as we must," Zadkiel interrupted, holding her knife close to her chest. "WE don't kill without reason."

"Yes, exactly," Leliel agreed.

"I think your idea of what constitutes a reason is flawed," Castiel said. shifting.

"That's fine," Leliel said, smile still in place. "We thought it likely that we would encounter you on earth. You've resisted God's will before, of course you would do it again. We have studied you and anticipated you. We know how you fight, we know how you think. We had hoped we might convert you but I see that isn't to be..."

As she trailed off, disappointment in her tone, Jerahmeel was circling round, blade clutched in his fist. Zadkiel was also coming in on the other side, more hesitant but still a threat. Sam just had time to tense before all hell broke loose.

The thing was, they'd fought Angels before and, sure, they were down a few weapons but they'd managed bigger feats in worse situations so he hadn't worried. Big mistake. It was Jerahmeel who rounded on him and, well, he didn't see the others fight but Jerahmeel fought like a man who knew his victory was inevitable and so was just toying with his opponent and the worst thing was he was probably right. It became evident quickly that Sam was no match for him. Just on pure fighting skill he was outclassed and there was a kind of malice to him that Sam hadn't seen in a lot of other Angels.

Kevin was right, just stabbing them was going to be a massive problem.

A hand closed around his wrist and he tried to pull away on instinct but it yanked him sideways and a second later they were stood in the middle of a field, Castiel gripping him by one hand and Dean by the other.

"We must flee," Cas said, "I did not realise, they are of a breed of Angels who specialise in forms of combat that I have not, I am not a match for them."

"I hear you," Dean said and then they were moving again.

***

Sam didn't know how long they spent running but eventually, inevitably, they landed back in the bunker. Dean had to leave the room for a few minutes, looking green around the gills, and Cas trailed after him. Sam had thought before that Dean's bad luck had really come into play here. A guy who hated flying falling for an Angel. He didn't say anything though, it wasn't worth his life.

Instead he went through to Kevin. Kevin was engrossed in a book, as usual. He was cross-referencing something against a card and dropped the book on the table in disgust when Sam came in.

"Please tell me plan 'let's all behave reasonably' worked."

"With a plan name like that, I think you cursed us," Sam said with a sigh, dropping down into his chair. He ached from the fighting and was very glad that Jerahmeel had only been toying with him or he might be dead by now.

"And I was so sure talking would work this time," Kevin joked, standing and stretching. "I don't suppose they were all nerdy pushover Angels who like knitting?"

"Kinda the opposite," Sam said, rubbing at his eyes. "Like, crazy ninja Angels with no mercy who tried to kill us but want to make us suffer first which is, incidentally, probably why we're still alive right now."

"Shit," Kevin said, making his way around the table. He looked Sam over, checking for injuries. Sam was glad he didn't have any visible ones. Just bruises but they hadn't come up yet.

"Please tell me you've got something on destroying super-powerful Angels."

"Sorry, nothing new," Kevin admitted. "I'll keep looking but, Sam, it's not hopeful."

"Typical," Sam said. "Look, don't worry. We'll work it out, we always do. Angels, we've killed Angels. These ones looked new to their vessels, maybe we can, I don't know, confuse them with earth stuff?"

"The newness of their vessels should not mislead you about their familiarity with earth." Sam and Kevin turned to see Cas stood in the door. Dean was loitering behind him, still looking pale. "Their kind, they drive a vessel to the ground and leave it at the point of the vessel's destruction. They are very strong fighters."

"If they're so awesome why haven't we seen them before?" Dean asked.

"They are, as a sect, unpredictable," Castiel explained. "They answer only to God and for many years they functioned as a kind of peace keeping force along the garrisons of Angels. We all fear their intervention. I appealed to them when heaven fell but at the time they were doing as I did, searching for our Father. It appears that this group find him in his word and have decided to act. Though their powers are not as great as archAngels they are higher in the hierarchy than me. It would be a great feat for me to defeat one alone, three may be impossible."

"Sound crazy," Kevin said and Sam couldn't help but nod. Crazy seemed to cover it.

"That is why they have so little regard for life," Cas went on. "It means very little to them, in general. They will kill again."

"Awesome," Dean said, sagging back against the door frame. "So, how do we kill them?"

"I don't think we do..." Kevin started but Dean held up his hand, cutting him off.

"I don't want to hear it. There's always a way. Somewhere in that tablet or in one of these books there'll be a way. We just need to find it is all so, until we have, we're all researching, alright?"

"Sure," Kevin said, but he didn't look convinced. Sam wasn't either but he knew better than to argue with Dean when he was like this. Dean didn't want to think about losing Cas, he could hardly blame him. They'd basically only just found each other and, well, one night spent on looking for other ideas wouldn’t hurt. Maybe Dean was right and they'd find something.

"Alright," he said, standing up again. "Kevin, you stick with the tablet. We'll quadrant out the library. Put anything interesting on the central table and we'll work through it together, got it?"

"Yep," Dean said, walking out the door. Cas gave Dean's back a long look then nodded and followed him. Sam was the last out of the room, wishing he could just be done with this.

***

The best thing about being WITH someone was mornings. Dean had always loved mornings with Lisa. Shit that happened first thing in the morning didn't count because, well, it was first thing in the morning so nothing really counted. He was half asleep, he couldn't be held responsible for his actions so if he rolled over for a little cuddle, there wasn't a problem with that.

Of course, Castiel was different because he didn't sleep but he often stayed with Dean through the night or at least made a point of being there when he woke up so Dean could reach out and pull him in for a cuddle.

Not today.

It took Dean a few minutes to remember why Cas wasn't curled up next to him in bed. To remember the day before and Leliel and the desperate search for anything resembling a way to take out crazy heavenly ninjas. He'd had to sleep eventually, too old to just research through the night, but Cas had stayed up.

The fact that he was still gone and that he hadn't come to wake Dean with a solution wasn't a good thing.

He rolled out of bed and shrugged on a t-shirt. It was 5am, still early so he ventured out into the bunker and wasn't surprised to find it quiet. There was a rustling of paper from the library, probably Cas, but otherwise quiet. He crept along to the kitchen, set the coffee machine to do its magic and turned the TV on.

Japan was gone.

He did a genuine double take, instantly awake even entirely uncaffeinated. Japan was gone. Not just part of it, one island, but the entire thing just wiped off the map.

His palms began to sweat. This was insane. This couldn't be happening.

As he yelled for Cas Leliel appeared in the middle of the TV studio once again, making the presenter scream and fall over backwards. She smiled benignly at the screen and reached out her hand to the viewers.

"All I ask as your God is your loyalty," she said, calm and open. "And that you have not yet provided. From now, every day that passes where even one citizen of earth does not acknowledge me I will cause destruction as you have seen me do. You will die in droves until you bow to me in your entirety."

And then she was gone. She was gone, Texas was gone, Japan was gone.

So many people dead. How many people would have been saved if he'd accepted what had to happen yesterday instead of pretending?

He looked over at Cas, Cas who actually looked tired and lost in a way Dean hadn't seen in years. Coffee forgotten, he went and put his arms around Cas, pulling him in to hold him.

They needed to shut the gates of heaven.

***

Waking up with a hand shaking his shoulder wasn't unusual for Sam. He grumbled and shoved at Dean, trying to roll away but Dean wasn't letting up and gradually the last remains of sleep fell away and Sam sat, blinking owlishly at his brother.

"What?"

"Leliel destroyed Japan."

At first he couldn't take it in. Destroyed Japan, what did that even mean? Then it hit him. Destroyed Japan, like destroyed Texas. Dead people. People wiped out of existence in her quest to be God. Shit.

He must have sworn out loud because Dean chuckled darkly, bowing his head.

"Yeah, that about sums it up. I guess it's time to face facts, she's going to keep on doing this until we get rid of her and the fastest way to do that it to close the gates of heaven."

"Great," Sam said, collapsing back with a sigh. "I guess at least after this we're done with Angels and done with Demons and life will be, well, not normal but as normal as it ever has been for us."

"I hope so," Dean said, still tense. "It's just...Sammy. I’ve got something to ask you."

"What?" Sam grumbled, sitting up in bed.

"I want you to do these trials to keep Cas here."

"You're an idiot," Sam sighed, flopping back on the mattress. "Go talk to your boyfriend while I get dressed then we'll do this thing."

"No, Sam. You don't get it. I can't..."

"I don't love Cas."

"Sam..."

"I mean I love him as a friend I guess, and I love that he makes you happy, but I don't love him and I don't want to spend eternity bonded to him and he doesn't want to spend eternity bonded to me either, alright? You need to do this for him, Dean."

"What if I fail?"

"Then at least you've tried. Better than just letting him go, right?"

"Yeah," Dean admitted, finally. He sat for a few seconds more then, standing, left the room. With a sigh Sam started to get dressed. It was going to be a very long day.

***

"Alright," Dean said, setting his coffee cup down on the table. They were around the main planning table in the hall, it felt more formal. Cas was beside him, quiet. Dean hadn't managed to say anything to him after all, they'd just made out. It was a complete coward's way out but he seemed to take that kind of route with Cas which was probably why he was going to fail.

Sam was right, though. He'd never forgive himself if he didn't try.

"We're closing the gates of heaven. We all agreed on this?"

"Yes," Sam said, sitting up a little straighter.

"Yes," Kevin said, still looking half awake and gripping his coffee like life line.

"Yes," Cas said, reaching over to lay a hand on Dean's.

"Good," Dean said, turning his hand briefly to squeeze Cas's. "I don't...this isn't the best idea but we don't really have any other options."

"No, we don't," Sam agreed, standing up. "And I'm going to volunteer now to do the trials and close the gate."

"They're not exactly trials," Kevin said. "Not like closing the gate to hell. This is more...more complex, I guess? More ritual work instead of stabbing things until they die. You're going to need some help so, yeah, I'll help Sam with the gate."

"Awesome," Dean said, nodding. It was good for someone to have Sam's back. He sometimes forgot to have it himself.

"And we will work to foil Leliel?" Cas asked, and he sounded so damn depressed. Sam raised an eyebrow and Dean ignored it.

"No, not exactly. Or, well...I want to do the trials, if you want. The ones that would keep you on earth. But only if you want.

Cas's face did a complicated mix of expressions that Dean couldn't even begin to untangle, then Cas stepped forward and pulled Dean into his arms. He glanced around to check that Sam and Kevin were looking away like they should before relaxing into the embrace.

"Are you sure?"

"I am if you are," Dean said, squeezing Cas lightly. "Though you've gotta know that if this works you're stuck with me. You sure you want that?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Cas said. "And I believe I would get the same answer.” He drew back slightly, looking into Dean's eyes. "Thank you."

***

"Alright," Kevin said, holding up an index card. "This is it. Are you sure you both understand it?"

"Yes, I do," Cas said, and Dean winced a little at the choice of words though maybe he shouldn't. This was a more real 'until death do you part' then any other wedding. In fact, more than that as ever after death, Cas would be with him.

"What happens if I go to hell," he said, snatching the card.

"You can't if you're bonded to Cas, as I understand it," Kevin said with a frown. "It's like...it changes everything. The normal rules aren't going to apply to you two anymore. Not that they ever really did but, still..."

"Alright," Dean said, skimming the card. He wasn't sure he liked it. It seemed very...well...forever was a long time but he got the feeling that forever without Cas would be even longer and, hell, if Cas couldn't leave him then maybe it would make things easier somehow...

"I'll draw the sigil," Cas said, plucking the card from his fingers. Dean let him take it, watching as he began to draw the lines on the floor. Cas moved with determination and precision. He clearly wasn't having any doubts about this.

"Any idea how long this ritual's going to take?" he asked. Kevin shrugged.

"I'm guessing, I don't know, a few hours? But it is just a guess. Hopefully not too long."

"That's what I'm thinking," Dean said. "You saw how the last set of trials messed up Sam. I don't want to leave him."

"It’s really not like that this time but you're not leaving him alone. I'll be here with him," Kevin said with a shrug. "And, well, I can't promise anything but I'll do my best."

"I know you will," Dean said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, let's get this ritual started!"

***

The circle was drawn. Dean settled himself inside it, sitting on the ground, and then Kevin began to chant. As the strange words came from his mouth Dean slipped slowly into unconsciousness. Cas stepped forward, meaning to catch him as he fell but the barrier of the spell repelled him. Nobody but Dean could stop this now, the ritual had begun.

***

Castiel was used to watching Dean sleep now. It had confused him when their relationship first became sexual. Until that point, Dean had refused to allow him to stay when he was asleep. Apparently it was creepy. Once they were engaging in sexual activity together it seemed to offend Dean when he did not stay to watch the other man sleep. Once he'd realised the change in the rule he'd been more than happy to stay every night and watch Dean sleep. He enjoyed it, being able to openly study Dean without being told off.

Right now he wished he wasn't watching Dean sleep. Dean lay in a circle he'd drawn willingly with his own blood and if he succeeded...for Cas everything hung on Dean succeeding. If he failed then Cas would be trapped in heaven without Dean and with a host of angry Angels. Not as many as there might have been at one time but enough to make life difficult for him.

The thought of life without Dean was what scared him the most.

Normally, in sleep, Dean moved. He'd groan or roll or reach or sometimes talk. Now he didn't. Cas could see him breath but nothing else. It was unnatural.

He hated this. Hated that he couldn't go to Dean and help him with this. He was hopeful for Dean's success but he did not like to rely on it.

With a sigh he got up from where he had been crouched. There was nothing he could do here right now, he knew that. Dean was as protected as he could be. Nothing could get into the circle to hurt him, just as Cas couldn't get in to help him. There was no reason to stay here.

There was every reason to be somewhere else.

Castiel loved Dean. He trusted Dean. He did not want to rely entirely on Dean for this. If Dean did fail...it didn't matter. He would still stay if he could and, to stay, he needed to dispose of his siblings before Dean awoke.

He had been in their place, he knew what they felt and he had seen the error of his ways. Now it was his job to convince them of that error.

He needed to do it for Dean and for himself, but for his siblings also.

***

It was dark. Like, really fucking dark. Dean could tell the difference when he opened his eyes but only just. There was no moonlight, no stars. He couldn't see anything in the dark above him and when he sat up he couldn’t see anything around him.

He was...he didn't know. He must be inside because no stars. The floor below him felt like packed earth, hard and gritty under his hands. He ran his fingers along it, stretching his hands as far as he could but he didn't feel anything. After a second hesitation he checked himself. He was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt but nothing else. No knives, since when did he go anywhere without a knife?

It was then it came to him in a flash that he had no idea why he was here. No idea where he was or why, just great. Slowly he climbed to his feet. He looked around and he couldn't see any walls, nothing, but after a second he realised he was stood on a path. The path was slightly more gray than the dark pressing in on him. He could just pick out the limits of it.

He walked to the edge of the path slowly, poking his toe off the end and...his foot kept going. Like he was on a precipice. He put his foot back on the road pretty damn fast. Alright then. A road he needed to stay on. This place...he was starting to get the impression it wasn't a normal place.

He really hoped he wasn't dead again.

He looked down the road, trying to spot anything to give him a clue about where he could be, and as he looked to the right he felt a sudden tug in his gut and he KNEW. He KNEW he had to go that way and he knew the reason he had to go that way was because Cas needed him to.

Cas needed him. He had to go that way for Cas.

He cast one last look to the left but he couldn't see anything and the pull to the right was so strong. Normally he wouldn't trust knowledge out of nowhere like that but, yeah, this was for Cas.

Even if there was a chance he was walking into a trap, there was also a chance Cas really needed him to go down that way.

He started to walk down the road towards Cas.

***

Kevin's office was as good a place to shut themselves up and plan as any. Sam hadn't wanted to stay in the main room, not with Dean lying on the floor inside that circle. He knew logically this wasn't the kind of thing that was going to do him harm (unless he failed and then good luck convincing him he was ever good luck for anything ever again) but it was still weird seeing him like that. Sam didn't like it.

So they retreated to the study and Sam waited as Kevin dug out the relevant index cards.

"Alright," Kevin said finally, laying the cards out. "This isn't like closing the gates of hell. Different realms, different thing."

"You said," Sam agreed. "What do we do then?"

"Well, we need a holy relic to do the ritual so the first thing we need to do is steal a relic from a church."

"Any particular relic?" Sam asked, frowning.

"Well, it needs to be a remnant of a saint but any saint will do. It's more the fact that it’s stolen that’s important."

"We can do that," Sam said with a shrug. "Breaking and entering isn't hard."

"Alright. Then, well, the ritual also needs hair from the vessel of an Angel new to this earth."

"I can see that being a problem," Sam said with a frown. “Maybe Cas can find us a recently arrived Angel?” 

"Yep," Kevin agreed. "Though the person who’s doing the ritual has to be the one to collect it. Then the ritual...it's kind of long and involved. It'll take us hours just to set up and then there's some complicated chanting. I think I should do that part, I know the chants."

"So when you said you'd help me with the trials you mean I'll help you?" Sam said with a laugh.

"Kind of," Kevin said with a shrug. "I mean, I can't really break and enter on my own but..."

"You’re going to have to be the one to collect Angel hair too."

"Yeah, pretty much. Though you can help talk them round. We can deal with that when we come to it. For now...let's focus on holy relic stealing, alright?"

"Yeah," Sam said, standing and stretching. "Come on, there's an index of holy relics out there in the main room and, stealin? That's something we can do!"

***

There was a glow in the distance. Well, glow might be too strong a term. It wasn't so much a glow as a lessening of the oppressive darkness. It was in Dean’s path too, unless the path curved. Right up ahead. Dean quickened his pace. He didn't mind darkness but he felt like he'd been walking in it for hours, this weird tug urging him forward.

He'd spent a lot of time thinking about why he might be here but nothing seemed to make sense. He remembered being in the bunker, he remembered...he didn't remember a specific last incident before this. Just a general sense of family and this impression that if he failed here, Cas wouldn't be part of that family any more.

He didn't want his family to have to deal with losing Cas. He'd dealt with too much already. He didn't want to lose Cas himself either.

He just had to keep walking.

After a time he realised the glow was more red than white, like someone had lit a campfire. Around that time the road started to slope upwards. Steep enough to notice but he didn't let it slow him down. He had to get to the top of this.

It was like climbing a mountain. He just kept going up and up and after a time he saw that the glow was coming over the peak of the mountain. Like the rays of the rising sun and somehow it was easier to walk when he realised that, when he knew he could see the end rising up in front of him if he just kept walking.

He crested the hill.

It wasn't the light of the rising sun he'd been seeing. Shit, maybe he really was dead.

Laid out before him was hell. Alistair’s hell, the one he knew best. Hell...it was a little like heaven in that every Demon had their own and they could take souls in to torture. Sure, the boss had a certain amount of design input depending on how much they liked to micro-manage but it was mostly the vision of the individual Demon when he'd passed through and Alistair had been a traditionalist.

The light was the light of the ever-burning flames. Pits of fire and brimstone and flames racing everywhere. A place to burn you up inside and out. He was a fair distance away and but he could see the racks as clear as if he'd been laying on one. He'd spent enough time around them. The shackles and the instruments of torture, he knew just where he was.

A particularly loud scream drifted up to him on a breeze seemingly made just for that purpose and his legs gave out. He sank to the floor, bringing his head down to cradle in his hands.

Hell. He couldn't go forward into hell. He wasn't strong enough, it was too much to ask. He couldn't live through this again, not for anything. Just the thought of it made bile rise. He'd spent so long running from his memories of this place. He couldn't be asked to go back. He just couldn't.

He turned, stumbling a few steps down the road in the other way so he couldn't see the pits anymore and rested, laying his head on the ground and breathing, deep breaths of cool, dark air. He couldn't do this. He wasn't strong enough.

Eventually the panic faded back and he could stand again. He started unsteadily back down the hill.

As he did a realisation came to him, much as knowledge had done before. He could walk away. Nobody would stop him. But, if he did, he'd lose Cas. He'd be fine. He'd be able to live but Cas...

Something bad would happen to Cas.

He stopped and turned.

He couldn't go back through hell. He couldn’t. Not for himself but...if he didn't he lost Cas. Cas...Cas was, other than Sam, the only good thing he'd had in his life. Giving up Cas wasn't something he even wanted to think about, not really. He wanted to keep Cas close and safe and, well...

Reluctantly he climbed the hill again. For Cas. He just needed to think that.

Cas had once flown through hell to save him. Back before they'd even cared about each other. Dean could walk through hell for Cas. He needed to focus on that. This was for Cas.

Hell didn't shock him this time, at least. It was still a push to crest the hill, his feet didn't want to carry him forward but he made himself walk and soon he was heading down the hill towards hell and towards Cas.

***

Stealing holy relics was actually shockingly easy. Sam knew this from experience so he wasn't surprised when they basically walked in to a church. They'd picked a smaller place, they tended to have fewer people around and worse security, and the town around this one had died down and come on hard times so nobody thought to ask them to stop as they walked in to the church. Nobody even noticed them.

On the ride over Kevin had been poring over the ritual, memorising it, and Sam had been concentrating on driving. Thing was, it was maybe a tiny bit hard to concentrate on driving when Kevin was in deep concentration next to him, poring over note cards like they were holy texts. Well, they were he guessed, but still.

When Sam had outlined the plan Kevin had seemed excited, which wasn't a usual response to being asked to steal holy relics but he did spent a lot of time hanging out with hunters. He'd suited up happily and followed Sam out as he now followed him into the church.

It was deserted.

Sam had a simple plan. It mostly involve 'grab the relic and run'. He'd planned to leave Kevin in the car with the engine running to act as getaway but the kid had been so damn excited for his first theft of a holy relic that somehow Sam had ended up bringing him with.

The place being so deserted he didn't think anything of just walking through into the private areas of the church. Kevin grinned like they were getting away with something terribly clever but Sam just rolled his eyes and started going through things.

As luck would have it, whoever volunteered for the cleaning at this church was very methodical. Sam was used to church storerooms being complete messes with boxes everywhere but here thing were a little easier. Someone had sorted everything, wrapped them appropriately and put them in little plastic boxes with neat labels so, in effect, all they had to do was find the plastic box labelled "holy artefacts: bones of a saint" in sloping cursive and leave.

As Kevin took the box from Sam he looked almost disheartened.

"You know," he said, clutching the box. "I somehow thought this would be a lot more dangerous or glamorous or something."

"Don't curse it," Sam advised, slipping past Kevin and checking their way. There wasn't anyone about so he lead Kevin in to the main body of the church.

"Excuse me..."

Great. Things going their way, always too good to be true. A little old woman was knelt by the alter, polishing rag in hand and disapproving look on her face. "Where do you think you're going with that, young man?"

"We're here to inspect your holy relics," Sam explained quickly, pulling out the forged papers he'd prepared earlier and presenting them. They claimed he'd been sent by the higher arms of the church to audit the authenticity of the relics. The woman squinted at the paper and waved it off.

"God don't need no paper to tell me what's right," she claimed. "If you were here in church business you'd have the vicar with you but he's out at the Hall visiting the new baby. Now put that back and sit down and wait for him."

"We're really in a hurry," Sam insisted, gesturing for Kevin to continue for the door. Kevin did subtly, keeping a smile on his face.

"The lord doesn't hurry," the woman said, standing now. "You sit down and..."

"I'm really sorry," Sam said, noticing how Kevin was almost at the door, and he turned and ran. She shouted but thankfully nobody else came like Sam had been worried they might. He didn't need half the congregation tearing after him. The Impala was outside and they piled into it, tearing away as the woman came out of the church door, a shocked look on her face.

Kevin laughed, gripping the box tightly to his chest.

"See, that was much more fun," he exclaimed. "Sure, I wish the person chasing us hadn't been an old lady but what's a good theft without a chase scene, Sam?"

"I wouldn’t even know," Sam said, fixing his eyes on the road. He very intentionally didn't look over at Kevin. He didn't look to see the way Kevin's face lie up with excitement. How his eyes went wide. To see the grin that would be on Kevin's face. He didn't need to see any of that and, well, he didn't need the distraction.

So he stared straight ahead and tried to convince himself he wasn't tempted to do something insane like lean over and kiss Kevin. Because that would be ridiculous and something Kevin would never want, right? 

***

Hell is worse than Dean remembers. He knows memory dulls pain so, in fact, it's probably only as bad as the first time but it seems worse. So much worse. Maybe it's just that last time he passed through he was as good as a Demon so these things didn't bother him so much but...

There was the heat, the infernal heat, and the fire. Some hells were cold, Alastair always went for hot. Hot enough to boil the skin from your bones, sometimes literally. He could see through the flames that people were being tortured. Demons at the racks working their victims over with glee. He knew what it was to be that. He'd been there. Knew how it felt to cause the suffering of another and enjoy it. He smelt hell. He'd barely remembered the smell but it hit him now, the dried in scent of burnt flesh and blood.

Worst were the sounds. He could almost pretend he was here alone if it wasn't for the sounds. Screams. Eternal screams coming from any side, so loud sometimes he couldn't even think. He tried to focus inwards but it was so hard with such a noise. All he could do as focus on why he was here. Cas. He was here for Cas and he had to keep walking for Cas.

On the road, none of the Demons seemed to see him. He'd been in the flames for...a while. Time didn't work right here but a long time and not a single Demon had tried to pull him down and put him on a rack so he must be protected. Protected even as he walked right by them.

Cas had done this for him, he could do this for Cas.

There was a commotion up ahead on his left. He watched as he walked. A woman, small and pale and dark haired and wild, was pulling free of the rack. The Demon guarding her laughed first, then sobered as she freed first one hand then the next. She yanked herself free as Dean drew near and the Demon smirked.

There was no running in hell, no escape. This woman clearly didn't realise that as she ran, sobbing and clutching her scarred flesh as the Demon walked leisurely behind. Most of the other Demons hadn't even looked up. She'd be caught and thrown back on the rack by someone.

Unless...

They couldn't see him. He was safe, or safe enough. If he stepped of the path, would they see him? Would they attack him? Would the spell be broken so he'd have to run too?

"Help," the woman screamed. She was almost there now, but she turned, running away from the path again and he could save her. He wasn't here to save her...but he could. He could save a soul from this hell, this hell so like his.

"Sorry, Cas," he whispered, and he stepped off the path.

As soon as he did the fire really began to burn him. It licked at his clothes and singed his flesh but he ignored it. All he could think about was running. He tried to ignore the Demons, though more eyes were fixing on him every second, and he ran to the woman.

She tripped, he caught her. She looked up at him with wide eyes and he hauled her to her feet, pulling her round and back towards the road.

The Demons had closed in but he knew that they had to try. Losing the road...there was no way they'd escape. He grabbed as he ran, snagging a hammer from a torture table and swinging it in front of him with his free hand. The Demons backed away a little, letting him through, clearly wanting the sport. Either they didn't know about the road or they knew the road was useless now.

He really hoped they just didn't know about the road.

They followed on his heel, laughing and cheering. He ignored them. They didn't know what he knew. One foot in front of the other, he knew he could make this. He knew he could.

The road was there, suddenly, and he skidded to a stop on it, pulling the woman close and gasping for air. For a second the Demons stared, then the smiles faded from their faces. They stepped up to the edge of the road but came no further and finally Dean could breathe again.

He'd done it, he'd saved her and the road still worked. He could still save Cas too.

***

Castiel was good at watching. He'd spent a lot of time in observation, it was natural to him to conceal himself and watch from the shadows. Either he was better at it then he'd ever imagined or his siblings weren’t expecting him as none of them seemed to detect his presence.

They’d moved since he last found them, now occupying an abandoned church in Russia. It was a beautiful building laid to ruin. Incredibly remote which was probably the only reason it still stood as it did. Old and graceful in the landscape. Whatever settlements it had served were either nomadic or gone as it was quiet now and Castiel was happy for that, at least.

Leliel had built herself a throne out of pieces she'd collected and she sat in it like a queen, surveying her domain. Jerahmeel was sprawled across the altar, playing with his knife, and Zadkiel stood quietly by.

Castiel watched them for almost an hour. He'd hoped, naively, that they'd plot with him there. Explain themselves in a way he could understand, but they seemed to just be waiting. Leliel listened to her prayers with a smile, occasionally sharing one with the others. Jerahmeel laughed cruelly, clearly amused by how impossible it would be for them to fulfil these prayers, but Zadkiel remained quiet. Quiet and firm, watching the others.

Castiel knew already that, were he to approach them, she'd be the one. She was calm, quiet. Maybe she could see these values in humanity and appreciate it. Maybe he could show her art and love and sway her that way?

He knew he stood no chance with the others. He hesitated to say that of any sibling but Leliel was beyond reason. He would have to fight her but he knew he wasn't strong enough to do that. Jerahmeel...he wasn't a convert like Leliel was. He didn't seem to believe their quest was holy, he talked of the joys he'd have once they ruled earth.

Maybe if Castiel could convince him these joys would be better served by living among humanity...he did not seem as though he wanted to be convinced, though, and he seemed dangerous. Violent, maybe. Not to be trusted.

Which made the fact Leliel did trust him hard to understand. Perhaps she had no other choice. A God with only two soldiers, even two exceptionally strong soldiers. It couldn't be a comfortable position.

Eventually he left, returning to the bunker. He had a lot to think on if he was going to come up with a viable plan to help Dean.

***

Dean and the woman had sat on the path for...well...probably not long enough. They sat and breathed as the Demons came and looked. Really he'd have liked to catch his breath properly but he couldn't with them looking right at him, even if they didn't know they were. Some of them stepped to the path but they appeared straight away on the other side, they couldn't even touch it which was comforting.

For some degrees of comforting.

Still, he didn't wait too long before standing. The woman stood with him, grimly taking his hand and they set off again. They walked silently, almost holding their breath as though somehow their leaving might draw attention where they hadn't drawn it before.

It was somehow easier to walk with a hand in his. The path seemed clearer and easier to focus on, the monstrosities around them to fade. Once they were free of the crowd who'd gathered at their point of disappearance they kept going, no point in stopping now.

Eventually the woman moved to walk next to him instead of behind, still gripping his hand tight.

"Thank you," she said, her voice shaking still. "I don't...I don't know what I'd have done if you hadn't saved me.

"You'd have died," Dean supplied. "Then they'd have brought you back and killed you again but...you're the one who got off the rack. That took guts. I just helped."

"Who are you?" She asked, gripping at him.

"Dean."

"No, I meant _what_?"

"Oh, I'm just a guy," Dean said with a shrug. "I don't...I don't really know what's going on other then I'm walking through hell. I've just got to keep going, you know. Who are you?"

"I'm Ida," the woman said, smiling a soft, shy smile. "I...well, it doesn't matter. Do you know the way out of here?"

"Well, all we can do is follow the path," Dean said with a shrug. "I think we're safe as long as we're on it. Just got to keep going forward."

"And we'll leave hell?" she asked, looking around her. "How big is hell, even. You seem to know a lot about it."

He didn't answer that. Hell was...it was infinite and tiny and whatever the Demons wanted it to be. They could walk for centuries and never leave but somehow he knew he wouldn't. He knew there was going to be a change in the road and that they'd escape. Ida kept quiet when he didn't answer and they padded on together.

Eventually something appeared on the path in the distance. Dean quickened his step and soon saw it was a gate. A giant gate carved with hideous faces. It was painted in garish colours and looked...it looked scary and ridiculous at the same time and he didn't want to touch it but it was in the way.

As he got closer he saw all the carved faces were screaming.

"I hate this," Ida muttered, clutching his hand, and Dean knew what she meant.

"It's the way forward," he said apologetically. "We can't go back now, got to keep going forward and this is the only way."

"Can't we go around?" she asked, gesturing off the path. The gate was only as wide as the path but...no. He knew they had to go through the gate in the same way he knew all those other damn things he shouldn't know. In the same way he knew he was doing this for Cas.

"We're going through," he said and he stepped forward and lay his hand on the gate.

***

Castiel arrived in the bunker to find Sam and Kevin returned, the bone lying on the table. They’d told him about the ritual so he wasn't surprised, he just walked over and picked it up. He could feel the power in the artefact thrumming under his fingers.

"This is genuine," he said, laying it back down on the table. "What is your next task?"

"Actually, we thought you might help us work that out. We need...we need hair from an Angel new to their vessel," Sam said. 

"That may be a challenge,” Cas said, frowning. “There aren't many Angels left on earth, you know."

"We know," Kevin said with a sigh. "That's why we thought we'd ask you. We thought you might know someone?"

"I’m afraid I have very little knowledge of the movement between heaven and earth now. The only ones I know for sure are the ones I’m sure you’ve considered."

"Those three?" Kevin asked, making a vague gesture that was probably meant to indicate Leliel and her gang. "There has to be a less dangerous way to get some hair."

"I could attempt to retrieve it for you," Cas said, thoughtful. "I was able to observe them for a time unseen today, it would probably be easier for me."

"No good," Sam said, frowning. “The person who does it has to be the human who’s going to do the ritual.” 

"That would be more risky," Cas admitted. “However, I believe it is still possible. If Kevin were to do it...they have not observed him as a member of our group yet and I believe the Angel with the male vessel is eager to encounter the...entertainments of earth, shall we say. I could warn you if he does leave the side of his sisters and you could approach him.” 

"I can do that," Kevin said with a shrug. "I mean, I don’t mind trying if it’s going to save the world."

"No."

"Sam..."

"It’s too dangerous to go alone. He could just turn around and kill you."

"I have to do this, Sam," Kevin said, leaning forward. "He might kill me, but if I don’t he’ll kill a lot more people. You can try to finish the ritual another way if this doesn’t work, but we have to try."

"But...you shouldn’t have to do this."

"No, I shouldn't." Kevin agreed. "I should have gone to college and got a degree and a good job and a wife and instead I have to save the world. You know what, I’m not even sorry. You risk your life all the time, now it’s my turn."

"Kevin..."

"I'm not a child, Sam. I can make my own choices. You don't have to like them - I don't - but you do need to let me make them. Can you do that at least?"

"Yes," Sam said, frowning. "I just..."

"Good," Kevin said in a way that didn't allow further argument. "Alright, Cas. How do we find this Angel?"

***

The gate opened easily, swinging back at the lightest of touches to reveal a forest. Dean blinked a few times, trying to take it in and then, not wanting to question the gift, stepped out of hell on to the soft, green grass. It was wonderful. As soon as he passed through the gate all the sounds and smells of hell faded until all he could hear was the rustle of the wind through the leaves.

The path was gone but Dean still felt the reassuring tug of direction so he wasn't too worried. He'd still find Cas and, hey, he'd rather walk through forests to get there than hell. Ida followed him through, laughing and throwing herself down among the flowers and Dean swung the door shut behind them.

"Is this heaven?" she asked, bringing a flower to her face. Dean snorted.

"Don't think so. It's not my heaven, anyway. Let's walk."

"Yes," she said, standing and pushing her hair from her eyes. "The further I get from that gate, the better I'll feel."

Under the tree canopy it was cool and fresh. It was freeing, in a way. Dean felt like running and skipping and laughing like a kid and he didn't even know why. He still felt the tug but it seemed less important every second.

Ida looked younger and prettier by the minute. The scars of hell faded as they walked and a smile took up full time residence on her lips. She reached out, snagging fruits from bushes and eating them. Dean didn't but he watched her intently. There was a kind of peace to this place and he knew somehow that the fruit would be good but he didn't want to eat it, not yet.

As they walked they talked. Not about anything important, not about family or hell of burning. They talked about climbing trees and being children and about the forest. They talked about the unreality of it but not for long, as if drawing too much attention to it might make the whole thing come crashing down.

After about an hour then emerged into a small clearing. Ida collapsed on the floor, her hair spilling out around her and she was beautiful. She reminded him of Lisa when she was younger. Young and pretty and wild and in another life…

She reached out and took his hand, pulling him down to lie next to her on the mossy grass. He went, sprawling out on his back and gazing up at the perfect blue sky.

"Dean," she said, voice low and musical and he turned to find her leaning close to him. She met his eye, suddenly not so innocent, and reached a finger to trace the outline of his lips. "You saved me."

"Yeah," he agreed, because he had.

"I need to thank you."

"It's alright," Dean said with a shrug. "I've been there, I couldn't leave you." But it was obvious by what she meant by thank. She leant in closer and he'd fucked enough women to know what was coming, though somehow it seemed cleaner and more tempting set here in this forest. For a second he thought about it. He knew it would be good. He knew how she'd feel, how she'd taste. Knew the heady little sounds she'd made as they touched. Knew he could do this here and nobody would ever know. There was time. The tugging that had been so pressing earlier had faded away to almost nothing now.

But...

No, he couldn't. Well, he could but he wouldn't. It was ridiculous. He knew he could reach out and take and Cas would never know but somehow he felt like Cas would know. Like Cas would look upon him and see what he'd done, see all the ways this was wrong.

He and Cas had never talked about other people because they'd never had to. If Dean had Cas, well, he didn't need anyone else and it worked the other way round too. What the hell was he even thinking to be tempted, he didn't want this woman. Once, yeah, this was what he was all about but not now. Now he wanted Cas. He wanted someone who'd proved themselves to him, someone he knew he could trust and he knew would love him.

"Sorry," he said, rolling away. "It's not that I don't appreciate the offer but I've got someone already."

"They'd never know."

"No, but I would. I...I kind of respect this guy. He saved my life and when I lie to him it never goes well. I won't hurt him so I'm just going to keep moving on. You coming?"

"Yes," Ida said, standing. He started out, didn't look back at her and didn't think how her laughter and song faded as he walked.

***

Castiel had been waiting for this chance. He'd returned to the Angels and waited, hidden, until Leliel sent them all out to see the world. To test what her words had caused. He watched them go then, silently, followed Zadkiel.

Zadkiel...he would not have known her for a warrior if he hadn't seen her fight. She was calm and elegant and he knew that speaking to her would be his only chance of stopping this without further bloodshed or closing the gates. He waited until she was some distance from Leliel, stood on the roof of a chapel in an English village, before approaching her.

"Sister," he said, stepping lightly on the roof. She started a little. Good, he had not been seen. He worried that they were humouring him but it would see that at least he still had the advantage of them not knowing he could watch them.

"Brother," she said, backing a step away and calling her blade. "What do you want with me?"

"Only to talk, Zadkiel," he said, lowering himself to sit on the roof. She hesitated, ruffled her wings like she might fly, then changed her mind and came to sit quietly beside him. Together they looked out over the village full of life and death and love and hatred and all that made humanity complex and beautiful.

"I know you don't want to kill them, sister," he said. Zadkiel nodded, there was no use denying it.

"I understand that loss of life is necessary, that death is a part of their world, but I do not enjoy killing so many innocents."

"There are other ways."

"Leliel doesn't think so," Zadkiel said, twisting her fingers in her lap. "She's right, you know. Someone has to do something. So much has been lost and destroyed. Someone needs to step up and take control. We can make the world better."

"I know, I once thought that too," Castiel said with a sigh. "You know about that, of course. I did what you do now, sought to make a better world. The problem with that is, Zadkiel, this is the world that humans want."

"They're fools," she said, voice suddenly hard. "We could create a paradise on earth for them."

"And they'd still choose free will each time," Castiel said, laying a hand on her arm. "You must understand that, for humans, having the choice is what is important. Isn't that the greatest gift our Father gave them?"

"But they use it to fight and kill."

"And to love and make art and give life. All that would be lost in your world."

"We would allow art and love, Castiel. We're not monsters."

"But humans can't do these things without the capacity to do otherwise. They can't create without also knowing how to destroy."

"They can learn."

"Maybe. Maybe they don't need to be ruled, Zadkiel. You are intelligent and you are kind. You could help these people, all of them. You don't need to rule them to guide them. You could be a help to them. Show them the way without killing. Leliel will never be satisfied, there will always be humans who defy her and she will kill them all. Is that what you want? A planet wiped clean?"

"No," Zadkiel said, twisting her hands in her lap.

"I can help you, sister. I can help you find a way to make a better world for them without this destruction. Please, will you help me?"

"I need to think," Zadkiel said, bowing her head. "Give me time, Castiel."

"I will," Castiel said, standing. "I'll be listening if you need me."

"Thank you. Goodbye, brother."

"Goodbye, sister."

***

The forest seemed to be getting thicker around them. Dean didn't like it. There were a lot of things he didn't like in life but this worried him. They were leaving the peace behind, he could feel it, and he knew Ida felt it too as she stepped in close behind him.

She'd trailed for a long time after the incident in the clearing, giving them both space, and he was glad for that. He'd needed to think. Needed to focus on what he was doing and why. The entire place seemed like a trap now and he hated how easily he'd fallen into it.

A hand touched his and he turned. Ida drew back immediately, snatching her hand close to her as if she was afraid he might hurt her for daring to touch him.

"You alright?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. She didn't look now as she had in the clearing. She was older again, tired, more afraid. It made it easier to look at her.

"No," she said, "I need...I need to apologise."

"Lady..."

"No. I don't know what I was going. It was like a madness. I'd never do anything like that, normally. I have a husband too."

"He isn't my husband," Dean grumbled on instinct but, well, maybe he shouldn't grumble that given what he was trying to achieve here.

"We have a kid, a baby. I sold my soul for her, that's how much I love her. How much I love my husband, do you see? It's not...it's not that you're not a wonderful person because I'm sure you are but I wouldn't do that normally. I've never made an offer like that before in my life."

"It's alright," Dean said, stepping forward and laying a hand on her arm to calm her. "It's alright. This place...it's doing something to us. To you and to me. Messing with us. I nearly said yes and, yeah, there are some really good reasons my sleeping around days are over. I get it."

"I'm glad," Ida said, clutching his hand. "You're just...I have no idea what I'm doing, Dean. I'm lost all the time and you seem to know where you're going, what you're doing. If you leave me I think I'll die."

"I'm not going to leave you," Dean said, squeezing her hand. "We're getting out of here and you can go back to that baby of yours, alright?"

"Yes," Ida said, smiling."Thank you, Dean."

"Don't mention it."

***

To say Kevin wasn’t looking forward to trying to get up close to an Angel bent on destroying the world was an understatement. He’d rather be doing just about anything but this. Thing was, he knew he has to. It wasn’t the first time he’d stepped up to save the world, he could do this! 

It would be a lot easier to do this if he could just do it now instead of having to wait for Cas to turn up. The worst part of anything was the hurry up and wait stage. He’d gotten changed into something clean and presentable and was all keyed up to ingratiate himself with an Angel and instead he was just sat here in his office with Sam glowering at some paper across the table. 

“You know,” Kevin said, adjusting his position slightly. “We could talk about this like normal people” 

“You shouldn’t have to do this,” Sam growled instead, like that was a rational discussion. Kevin liked Sam, he really did. Probably more than he should like Sam. Had for a while. He didn’t like Sam being pissed at him, but this was the end of the world and the Angels knew Sam. 

“Somebody has to,” he said, standing and coming around the table to lean in next to Sam. Sam abandoned his papers in frustration, turning to look at Kevin.

"Kevin, we'll find another way."

"There's a chance. We have to take it. Why are you even getting so upset about this, Sam? I've done stupid dangerous things before. Why is this different?"

"I don’t know," Sam admitted, redness creeping into his cheeks. "It just is. It was different before."

"Really wasn’t," Kevin said with a shrug. “I mean, I’m not excited to be doing this but it has to be done.” 

"You sound like Dean when you say that," Sam said with a dark little laugh. "I guess you're right. I just...I just don’t want you to die. We’ve had enough people die around here, can’t someone just live for once?"

“I will,” Kevin said in what he hoped was a reassuring tone. “I mean, it’s going to be dangerous but it’s not an automatic death sentence, Sam. I’ll be as careful as I can. 

He looked at Sam and Sam looked...Sam looked like he wanted to do something drastic. Like he was just barely holding himself back from jumping up and grabbing Kevin. He was looking at Kevin like Kevin was something important and he was at a loss as to how to make Kevin understand that.

"We need to talk," Kevin said, reaching down and squeezing Sam’s shoulder. “I’m going to be fine and when I come back and this mess is cleaned up we’re going to talk. Not now, though. First we save the world.” 

"Yeah," Sam said. "We can talk then."

***

They reached the end of the forest. It happened just like that, one minute they were in the forest and the next minute they weren't. Ida stopped then retreated to the shadows of the trees. Dean stood out in the open looking across the landscape.

The forest had gotten oppressive after they left the clearing but this...before them lay desert. Sand, he fucking hated walking in sand. Red piles of it everywhere. They were going to have to scale sand hills and there was no shade at all.

He wondered vaguely if he could go back to hell but the tugging was getting stronger now.

"Dean, we'll die out there," Ida said, clutching at the hem of his shirt.

"I don't know," he admitted. He had to say it seemed likely. The sun was at its highest, beating down on them and he could feel the heat rising from the sand. "I've got to keep going, though. Sorry, Ida. You don't need to come but I have to go."

"Why?" she asked, clutching at his arm. "Why not just give up now? We've come far enough, haven't we? We've worked hard enough."

"No," Dean said, pulling away from her. "I'm sorry, life's a bitch sometimes. I need to keep moving, I think it's the only way out. Are you coming?"

Ida thought for a second then nodded, stepping out onto the baking sand after him.

***

Kevin didn't know why he kept expecting Angels to be impressive. He'd lived with Cas around long enough to know it didn't work like that. Still, it was a bit of a letdown to finally see Jerahmeel. Cas dropped him outside the bar and flitted away with a description and, yeah.

Jerahmeel's vessel was about his age and had a kind of self-confidence that Kevin never seemed to be able to find. He looked like some kind of hipster kid, so maybe the arrogance was just an unavoidable part of that look. He had sandy brown hair over one eye, a leather jacket that looked like it was new. Kevin would have normally given him a wide berth if he wasn't just the person he'd come here to see.

He went to the bar first, nice and casual, got a beer. The caught Jerahmeel's eye as he paid, gave a self-conscious little smile and then looked back to his drink. When he glanced up again Jerahmeel was watching him and, after a second, he beckoned Kevin over.

Kevin went, clutching his beer and wishing like hell he knew what he was going to do when he got there.

***

They must have been walking for hours by now. They must have. Out in the baking midday sun. It felt like days since he'd set of from the dark place. Now it had been hours in the sun. He definitely preferred the dark place.

He was sure they'd been out long enough for the sun to move. He'd tried to check it a few times to get an idea of how long they'd been walking but it seemed stubbornly fixed at the high point. Not that it getting lower would do them much good but a little, maybe. Every step felt like a battle and he was worried he was losing this war.

Next to him, Ida was holding up surprisingly well. He kept expecting her to flag and she kept going. She'd taken his hand again and she kept her eyes down. She'd laughed when he'd asked her why, said it was so she didn't have to see how far they had left to go. He got that.

He was more than ready for this to be over now too.

"Dean," Ida said, tugging at their joined hands. "Tell me...tell me what the first thing you're going to do when you get home is."

"I don't know," he said with a laugh. He hadn't thought about it. About this ending, yes. What came after, not so much. "Eat some pie maybe. Or an entire bag of ice."

"Not fall into your man's arms?" she said with a little giggle. Dean snorted.

"Yeah, not so much. Though I’m looking forward to seeing him, knowing he's safe. I'm just not the swooning kind."

"I'm not, normally," Ida said with a sigh. "I think I'd swoon to see my baby again, though. I say baby but she's eight, I guess. Time passes differently in hell, I heard. They kept taunting me, telling me how old she is now. How much closer to death. How I'd wasted my soul on her."

"Kids are never a waste," Dean growled, looking back at Ida like she'd betrayed him. She laughed, shaking her head.

"No, not to me. The Demons couldn't understand that. Louise, well, she's severely autistic. She's going to need care for the rest of her life and I love her but the Demons, they kept talking about how she'll die without passing anything on. I don't think they got that five years of loving her was enough for me. I mean, I wish I could have loved her longer but five years was better than none."

Dean grunted. He didn't want to think what he'd give up for just five more years of Sam. Or of Cas. He got it.

"I worry," Ida said with a sigh. "My husband, he was sweet but he struggled with Louise. She made him sad sometimes, I think. All the things we'd thought about that could never happen. All the beautiful things she says and does that the world will never appreciate. I wonder how they're getting on without me."

"I'm sure they're doing great," Dean lied, thinking about his dad coping. His dad not coping. Thinking about learning at six that throwing the alcohol out wouldn’t stop his dad's drinking, just earn him a slap. Knowing he'd never be good enough to stand in his mom's shoes but somehow being expected to do her job and hold the family together anyway. He thought about losing someone you love, what that does to you.

"I hope so," she said, softly, gripping his arm. "I mean, I'm sure they are too. They're strong, they'll manage without me for a little while and, hey, I'm on my way home again now and that's awesome."

"Yes it is," Dean agreed. "Awesome."

***

"Oh, I'm not very religious," Kevin said, leaning conspiratorially across the table. "I mean, if there was a God, he'd not very interested in humanity, is it?"

"Interested in humanity," Jerahmeel sneered, "You make me laugh. God is a fool. A child completely incapable of controlling his own creation and then running away as soon as they start to become unruly."

"I agree," Kevin encouraged.

"I hate him," Jerahmeel confided. "God. I hate him. If he'd done what he was meant to, loved his Angels, the world would be fine but no, he had to make humanity. Humanity who he so loves though you're all a bunch of idiots. And he told US to serve YOU! What do you think of that?"

"Doesn't sound fair," Kevin said with a smile. Jerahmeel had been ranting for a while now and Kevin had been leaning further and further in, listening. The Angel’s eyes were shining with a kind of passion as he railed against his creator. Cas had said he was doing this for fun, Kevin was starting to get a different idea. 

"I want to kill God," Jerahmeel announced, leaning forward on the table. "When we're done taking care of humanity, which we must do, we'll take care of him. He'll be obsolete then. We'll have proved ourselves better and then we will find him and we will kill him."

"Sounds difficult."

"You wouldn’t understand," Jerahmeel said with a wave of his hand. "How can you, you're just a stupid mortal. I...I am a man who can kill God!"

"I'm just going to the bar," Kevin said, easing out of his chair. He reached over to lay a hand on Jehrameel’s shoulder to steady himself as he stood then as he pulled away ruffled the other man’s hair, pulling some loose strands free around his fingers. Jackpot. Jehrameel didn't seem to notice, just carried on raving to his glass. Kevin shrugged and let himself out. The night air was cold. He prayed and Cas was there instantly.

"I’ve got it?"

"Good," Cas said with a nod, then took his arms and they were back in the safe warmth of the bunker. Sam was sat on the edge of his seat, clearly he'd been waiting. For a second Kevin was so glad to see him. It had been a while since anyone had looked out for him.

"I got it," he said, stepping towards Sam. "It was actually easy, I think the guy needed to clear his head. He just ranted at me and, well, I got it."

“You’re really fine?” Sam asked, reaching out to lay a hand on Kevin’s hip and looking him over and, damnit, Kevin knew he wasn’t imagining this. Sam was looking a little too hard, a little too long. He’d just risked his damn life for some hair and tomorrow he was going to perform a lengthy and complicated ritual and he just wanted. 

He kissed Sam. Sam met him halfway and it was glorious. 

***

Ida was flagging. Dean knew it. He could see it in the slop of her shoulders. She wasn't going to make it much further. He didn't blame her. The heat was relentless and they must have been walking for a day. It felt like it though there was no way to measure time out here.

When she collapsed he was ready. He moved just in time to catch her.

Passed out. He looked around desperately but there was nothing. No shade, not help. nothing. Just sand and sand and...

A black spot. Tiny. On the horizon in the direction they were being pulled.

He looked at it then back to Ida. He could see it, see the way out. He couldn't waste any more time but he couldn’t leave her either. Reluctantly he pulled her onto his shoulder, hefting her in a fireman's carry. Carrying another person was a bitch but it was his only option if he wanted to live and he DID want to live. He wanted Ida to live, too. He was going to get them both out of there.

***

It was 1am. Sam and Kevin had retired, exhausted, and Castiel did not begrudge them their sleep. He wished, sometimes, that he slept too but he didn't. Couldn’t. He'd tried but it wasn't for him.

Instead he sat and watched Dean. He'd been here for hours waiting for Zadkiel’s call. He hoped she would, there was nothing else he could do to help. The ritual to control the gates must be performed just after sunrise so there was some time yet before he had to wake Sam and Kevin. All he could do was wait.

He wished he could reach into Dean's head to see how he was progressing. He didn't know what he'd do if they failed.

_Brother._

A soft whisper through his mind, and then a sense of place. His heart leapt, she had called for him. With one final look at Dean, Castiel went to help his sister.

***

It was a door. Like the one out of hell, a door standing tall and proud in the sand. Ida hadn't stirred in some time but he wasn't worried because they were nearly at the door.

This wasn't big like the last door. It was small, unassuming. Made of cheap wood and badly painted. It looked like home and he knew, somehow, that it was. This was the last door and after this he'd have won. He'd be home.

As they drew closer he saw a note pinned to the wood. He carried Ida that last few steps and let her drop to the sand, leaning in to read the near handwriting of the notice.

Then he flopped back onto the sand and let his eyes close tightly. One. The note had said one person only to enter. Shit. He knew it was the truth the same way he knew everything else about this place. Instinctively and entirely. 

It didn't leave any hope. There was nothing else to it but that line. One person only to enter. He sat back and laughed as his dreams of saving both of them went up in smoke. They couldn't both go through this door. One of them would be left here forever. Maybe they could wander back, through the forest, but even if he got out of here that way Cas would be gone and Ida...she'd never make it.

He went and sat beside her. Her breath was shallow. She had gone down so quickly. Like a child, fine one minute and then bad. He knew she needed to get out of here. She'd never wake up and take herself out of this place alone.

But Cas. He'd done this, all of it, for Cas. How could he fail now.

Ida had a kid. Not just any kid. An autistic kid. Losing your mom, that wasn't anything that should ever happy to a kid. A kid who couldn't process it least of all. He thought about it, that poor kid not really understanding what was going on. A Father who couldn't cope with her sucked further and further into his grief. Another family falling apart and it was his fault.

Or his own family falling apart and it was his fault.

He knew what he had to do. He hated it but he KNEW what he had to do.

Ida seemed to have doubled in weight when he picked her up again. He carried her to the door and used her limp hand to push it open, just in case. It was dark beyond but there was nothing he could do about that. He lent through and lay her on the floor and as he did she vanished, taking the door and the darkens with her and leaving him in the midday sun.

He couldn't stop the sob that tore out of him at that. He felt the connection break when it went. It was all over. This was over. He'd failed.

He sank down in the sand and finally gave in to his own exhaustion.

***

"Sister," Cas said, landing lightly next to her. Zadkiel looked torn. She was clutching her blade in her hand, her eyes misted with tears and he went to her, crouching beside her. "Let me help you now."

"I am sorry, Castiel," she said, softly, glancing over his shoulder. He stood and spun but it was too late, Jerahmeel was on him.

He fought more ferociously than he'd fought in a long time. Jerahmeel moved as though he was possessed, fought viciously and darkly and Castiel had never been trained for this. His vessel was not strong enough for this. He took blow after blow that sent her reeling, careening into building and smashing until he was sure every bone of his vessel's body was reduced to dust, the cries of Jerahmeel ringing in his ear.

He couldn't die like this. Not with Dean how he was. He would not have Dean wake to find him dead.

It was the last of his strength that he spent on it but he managed somehow to lift his arm. Jerahmeel obviously hadn't been expecting any movement. He laughed and batted Cas's arm away, leaning in close enough that Castiel could drive the Angel blade he'd been concealing in to Jerahmeel's heart.

It was a clean kill.

He climbed unsteadily to his knees. Zadkiel was gone, taking any hope with her. He had failed here, again. He always failed in the end. Coughing, he unfolded his wings and flew. He wanted to be with Dean right now, even in these circumstances.

***

Dean woke up. He was in the men of letters bunker and he remembered everything. He remembered the ritual, remembered hell and the forest and pushing Ida through the door. He remembered it all now, now when it wouldn't do him any good to know.

He sat up, straightened himself. He was just as he had been. No sunburn, no scrapes from branches. He was whole and himself and he felt just like he had before this started but, then, how was he meant to feel? Would there be a difference if he'd passed? He'd been so sure that he'd failed in the moment but he'd also been sure he'd be trapped there forever and that was obviously wrong. How did he know?

He stood and turned, ready to go looking for someone to help, and there was Cas. Cas, lying out on the floor. He was bloodied and bruised and just how damn long had he been out anyway that this had happened.

He was out of the circle in a second pulling Cas into his arms but there wasn't any response from the Angel. He just lay there, a mess, and panic started to build in Dean. He'd never see Cas injured like this before.

"Sam," he shouted, shifting Cas in his arms. "Kevin. You two here?"

"Yeah," someone shouted from the back of the bunker and after a few minutes’ footsteps came running and Sam burst out into the communal area, hair a mess. He took in Dean and Cas and swore, dropping down next to them.

"What happened?" Sam asked, like Dean had any answers. Dean just shrugged, pulling Cas closer. "Did you complete the trials?"

"I don't know," Dean admitted, trying to think clearly but it was hard. "I don't...I don't know how I tell if I completed them or not. I don't know the signs, Sam. What I should look for. Maybe I completed them, maybe I didn't. I don't know.

"Hey, it's alright," Sam said, leaning over and grabbing Dean's arm. "We can cope with this. Whatever's happened it's going to be alright."

Kevin came in then, looking confused, and made a distressed noise when he saw Cas lying there covered in blood.

"How do I know if I completed the trials properly?" Dean growled, shifting Cas in his lap.

"I'm not sure," Kevin said, holding up his hands. "I'd thought Cas would tell you, he'd be able to sense the bond but..."

"But Cas ain't sensing anything right now," Dean growled, tightening his arms around Cas. He couldn't do this. Couldn't get so far and lose Cas now. It just wasn't right. "How's the gate shutting coming?"

"We're just waiting for the sun," Kevin said, checking his watch. "In fact, we should probably go shower and get ready. I mean, if we're doing this today. You could try the trials again?"

"I...I don’t know," Dean said, stroking the hair back from Cas's face. "Go get changed. I'm going to try and wake this idiot up, alright?"

"If you're sure," Kevin said, giving him a long look but then he shuffled off back to his room, Sam following behind, and Dean pulled Cas closer.

"We haven't got time," he said, laying his head on Cas's. "I'm sorry, Cas. We're not going to have time. Guess we've just got to hope it did work after all.

Cas didn't say anything, which was pretty understandable, so with some effort Dean lifted him and carried him through to the bedroom. He took the time to strip off Cas's blood-covered things and wrap his wounds though he should have healed already. The way they lingered wasn't a good thing at all. It probably meant he'd been cut with an Angel blade and Dean had no damn idea what to do for Angel blade wounds, but Cas was still breathing which meant he hadn't been killed and there were no burn marks on the ground so he still had his wings.

Not dead, just injured. Dean could deal with that. There was still time. Cas wasn't dead, he was just injured.

Reluctantly he changed his own clothes and left Cas, heading back out to the main room. Sam and Kevin were already there and Kevin had made him a cup of coffee. Dean grabbed it and drank deeply, looking at the two of them. They were very intentionally not looking at each other so there was a story there but he'd dig it out later when Cas was alright. Because he would be alright.

"So," he said, "Tell me the worst. How long was I out and what's been happening while I've been in dream-land?"

"Not too long," Sam said. "It's not been twenty-four hours yet. We've got everything we need for the ritual as soon as you say you're ready to go. Cas helped us with that and, well, he was trying to convince one of Leliel's cronies to help us. I guess it didn't go so well.

"Shit," Dean growled, clutching his mug. "I'm going to kill that bitch if she's the reason Cas is like this."

"You're going to kill her anyway," Kevin reasoned. "Or send her back. Now, make a choice. Are we doing this now or do we wait until tomorrow. We need to start soon if we're doing it now."

Dean knew the answer. He always knew the answer but giving it was hard today. He wanted to pretend they could try this again. That he could succeed this time, but he couldn't say he would succeed this time and, well, people were going to die. He couldn’t let that happen.

"Close the gate," he said, setting his coffee mug back on the table. "I'm going to try and find Leliel and see if there's anything I can do about stopping her before she kills anyone else."

***

"I can't believe this," Leliel sneared, kicking as Jerahmeel's body. "All I ask is that you stay out of trouble until we establish our power and this fool can't even do that."

"We were trying to help you," Zadkiel said, edging closer. "It was Castiel. You told us how dangerous he was and, well, he approached me. I didn't want to alarm you so I went to Jerahmeel and he said we'd lure the traitor into a trap. We wanted to make the way easier for you."

"Well, you didn't succeed," Leliel swore, poking the body with her toe again. "Worthless, both of you. If you'd just come to me and told me about Castiel's activity I might have been able to do something about it but not now, not like this.

"Leliel..."

"I can't believe he let Castiel beat him, either. A fight with an Angel such as that should have been nothing to him. We're warriors, Zadkiel. We do not fall like this."

"I'm sorry," Zadkiel said, looking down at her fallen brother. She'd liked Jerahmeel in his own way. He had tried to help her when others would have just walked away and he was strong enough to stand up and take action for what he thought was right when most Angels cowered in the remains of heaven, refusing to be drawn in.

"You should be," Leliel said. "We can't create the kind of destructive power that we could with only two of us. The humans will know, they'll see we killed less. I need to find a way to work with that. Maybe if I say I killed less as some have come over? A kind of incentive. That may work."

"Leliel," Zadkiel said, shifting slightly. "Do you really believe they'll ALL follow your rule?"

"Of course," Leliel snapped. "There will be resistance at first, there always is and then they'll see how much better they would be with me stood above them and they'll flock to us. Trust me, Zadkiel. We will have them."

"And if they don't?"

"Then we kill them," Leliel said, slowly, as though explaining to a child. "You know this, Zadkiel. We have talked about it, how there can be no tolerance for those who do not contribute in our new world and if they cannot see me as their God, how can they contribute?"

"I don't know," Zadkiel said, flushing. "I just think..."

"You're a fool," Leliel spat. "If you did less thinking and more following orders Jerahmeel would be alive. If that's your attitude maybe you should die, too?"

"No, Leliel. I don't..." but Leliel had already drawn her sword. Zadkiel faced her down for a second, every practice fight they'd ever taken part in running through her mind, looking for a weakness and then, suddenly, she fled.

***

Dean drove a good distance away from the bunker. He'd waited long enough to see the beginning of the construction of the circle and then he'd gotten in the car and driven. He needed to try to end this, to try to talk to Leliel. They were closing on 24-hours since her last ultimatum now and if he didn't convince her soon, or at least distract her, more people would die.

Finding her was he problem. He knew he couldn't find her himself so he had to rely on what normally worked with Angels. He'd found through long experience that if he shouted loud enough, they usually came to him.

He found an abandoned barn in a deserted area to make his call and parked up. Wouldn’t do to have innocent people getting hurt, not when he was about to do something as suicidal stupid as this.

"Leliel," he shouted, heading into the barn. "I need to talk to you."

Nothing. He hadn't expected it to work that easily but it would have been nice. Instead he launched into a list of insults and accusations under her name. Figured if he pissed her off enough she'd come. He got about halfway through his mental list of reasons she'd be a terrible God when she appeared in front of him.

"Is this meant to stop me?" she snarled, stepping straight into his person space. "Insults and lies and children’s games. It just proves to me all the more that you need someone to rule you!"

"We don't need anyone to rule us," Dean said calmly. "If you knew anything about humanity you'd know we don't take well to that. You're not fit to rule anyone, you're a child and we will defeat you."

"No, you will not," she said, reaching out to grip his shoulders. "The one your Castiel defeated was but a child and it nearly killed him. I am worse, more powerful, than anything you've faced before."

"Lots of things say that," Dean said with a shrug. "I'm more of a 'put up or shut up' kind of guy."

"You want me to Demonstrate my superiority?" she sneered, pulling her Angel blade. Dean shrugged, pulling Cas's blade from his coat. The reassuring hum of power in it meant that, for now, Cas was still alive and, well, if Cas couldn't stay here on earth then dying for the cause and getting to go to heaven with him might not be too bad.

Not that he wanted to die but, well, there were worse scenarios he could think of and Leliel didn't know just he much be was willing to lose here yet.

She attacked.

***

"Are you sure this is right?" Sam asked, surveying the vast array of lines. They'd picked a field outside the bunker to convert and drawing a sigil the size of a field, not so easy.

"Yes," Kevin said, letting a strand of the Angel’s hair fall on the northernmost point. "This is perfect."

"Great," Sam said, stepping up to him. It had taken nearly two hours but the entire thing was laid out and anointed and now...not they just had to close the gate. "Are you ready for this?” 

Kevin nodded, leaning against Sam and putting his head on Sam's shoulder for a second.

"Yeah, as I can be. I've read the rituals a million times, I know what I'm going. I hope."

"You'll be fine," Sam assured him. "The world hasn't ended yet, anyway. Shall we do this thing?"

"Yeah, let's."

***

Dean had one and only one advantage right now and that was the fact that he fought dirty. He didn't care about keeping things neat and about reputation, he was fighting for his life and Leliel hadn't realised how desperate he was.

Of course he was never going to win, it was all an attempt to stall for time but the fact he was willing to get dirty and give her an unfair fight made that possible, at least. In a fair fight she'd have wiped the floor with him.

He pulled around, she moved quicker and somehow he overbalanced and fell. Stupid, idiot mistake. In a second she was kneeling over him, knife in her hand. She pressed on his chest and he was surprised she didn't just crack a rib with pressure like that.

"Acknowledge me," she said, tracing the knife across his neck.

"I acknowledge you're crazy."

"Oh Dean," she said, pressing down harder. "I'd almost think you didn't want to live. Maybe you miss hell? Let me tell you a secret. You were never meant to be saved. If heaven had wanted to save you they'd have sent one of us, not Castiel. The fact he did, well, it was amazing - until it clearly drove him insane and he abandoned his duty for you."

"Sure, whatever you say," Dean said, squirming under her arm.

"No, you don't understand, Dean. You were never needed for the plan. Sam would have opened the rest of the seals once you broke the first. We had to make a show of trying to stop you so we sent Castiel, hoping he would die too. He was always a rebellious nuisance. But he did it and ruined everything. You ruined everything."

"We do try," Dean acknowledge with a grin.

"The world could be paradise if not for you."

"I think we have different definitions of the word paradise."

"It doesn't matter," Leliel said with a sigh. "In the end, you’re just going to die a little later is all."

She lifted the knife and Dean swallowed because this was it. If he'd known it would all come to this in the end he'd never have done the stupid ritual. He could have spent his last day alive with the people he loved instead. Maybe even told them he loved them.

Leliel stopped. She blinked, threw her mouth open to scream and light flooded the room. Dean shut his eyes tight but it didn't seem to help. It was over in a second and her vessel collapsed onto him, unconscious.

The gates to heaven had been shut. He'd survived.

***

Sam and Kevin stood looking at the circle. It was scorched a foot deep in the ground now. Sam absently hoped nobody used this field, they were going to get a shock if they tried.

"It's over," Kevin said, uncertain. Sam nodded.

"Yeah, for now at least. These things have a way of keeping happening even when they shouldn't but, for now, we're apocalypse free."

"Good," Kevin said, then reached up and kissed him and, yeah, that was something he could carry on doing. "Come on, we need to check on Cas."

***

Dean got onto the highway before he tried calling anyone. No point in calling before that, they'd all be busy. He figured he'd give them time for the victory hug and then...

Cas was going to be alright. He had to be.

Sam picked up on the first ring.

"Hello," he said, and he sounded breathless and tired.

"Is Cas still there?" Dean asked, clutching the phone. "Just...just check for me."

"I don't know, Dean," Sam said, softly. "He's still out cold. I mean, a body's here and it's healing but I don't know who's in it. We tried waking him up but it didn't take."

"Shit," Dean swore. "Are you both alright. Nobody died in ritual casting?"

"No," Sam reassured him. "We're both fine. Can't believe it but we are. How are you. Did you find Leliel?"

"I did and, let me tell you guys, your timing needs a little work. You only just saved me so, yeah, thanks for that."

"At least we did save you," Sam protested. "Don't complain."

"I'll complain if I want, stop being such a little bitch."

"Jerk."

"Phone me if he wakes up."

"I will, Dean. Drive safe."

***

Safe might not be an accurate descriptive term for how Dean drove. 'Like a maniac' would probably be closer to the mark. All he could think about was Cas lying there. He wasn't dead, that meant Cas had to have made it through too.

Thing was, he could remember the damn crushing sense of failure in the visions. Wanting wasn't enough, you had to do and, well, the whole damn universe knew he wasn't good enough to love Cas. He'd put Sam over Cas any day which wasn't a good start to a relationship. He'd do damn stupid things and get himself hurt and Cas would worry and one day he'd meet a monster he couldn’t kill and he just...

But he wanted it. He wanted here and he wanted Cas with him. Even if he didn't deserve it.

The drive back took a lot less time than the drive out. The place was quiet and he only took the time to park baby properly before heading in out of habit.

Nobody was in the main area so he followed through to the bedroom where both Sam and Kevin were sitting watching Cas sleep like a pair of sad stalkers. He hoped it was Cas, anyway. He knew Jimmy had been gone for a while so it wasn't like there was anyone else to be in the vessel but maybe it would just keep going?

When he came in Sam and Kevin didn't say anything, they just backed off like the family of the dying, sinking back into the shadows to allow him his last private moment.

Fuck that, Cas wasn't dying.

"Hey, Cas," he said, loudly, flopping on the bed next to him. "You need to get the hell up. We've been busy here while your lazy ass has been asleep. I need to tell you about it."

Nothing.

"So, the entire trials thing was weird and I'm not sure I passed but I need to have passed, right? You understand me, don't you?. I need for you to be in there, Cas."

Nothing.

"So I woke up and you're passed out looking like some kind of hobo so I went and, well, I kind of picked a fight with Leliel. Don't tell me how stupid that was, I already know, alright. I picked a fight with Leliel which was never going to end well and it's a good job you're not conscious for this story or you'd be kicking my ass. She kicked my ass but at the last second the door closed and she went and now everything can be good again."

Nothing.

"See, I was thinking just as she was about to kill me how all I wanted was one more normal day, right. One more day of pissing off Kevin and annoying Sammy and waking up with you. I don't think that's a lot to ask for, Cas. One more day. Can you give me that?"

Nothing.

"Please. Please, Cas. I just...I love you, alright. I need to tell you that properly in those words because I haven't yet so you need to be alright, I don't think I can do this without you."

A twitch. The tiniest curl of a finger. Dean reached out and grabbed Cas's hand, pulling it into his lap and it curled around his. Cas woke slowly, like someone coming up from the deepest sleep and Dean let him. Didn't dare to speak in case he messed this up somehow and then Cas was blinking at him owlishly in that way he knew so well and saying "Dean" in that voice and Dean knew. It had worked. He was worthy and he leant forward and kissed Cas like he'd thought he might never be allowed to kiss him again.

***

Day 43 on earth with no Demons and no Angels and Dean got thrown into a wall by the ghost of a toddler and broke his leg. Sam had laughed for nearly an hour straight while Cas fussed about but Dean didn't mind. Honestly, if that was the least they had to worry about he was happy.

Since the gates had closed Cas's powers had been dwindling. He seemed sure they'd return on his return to heaven but, well, that didn't stop him complaining about every little thing here and now and it made his fussing a LOT worse. Dean accepted it for as long as he could with good grace then threw Cas out of the hospital room while waiting for the plaster so he could actually listen to the doctor without Cas just fussing.

Life was pretty good.

Leg in plaster meant being laid up which meant they left the hospital to head back home. That had been the plan anyway. They never stayed away for long now. Sam in particular seemed to be pushing to get back all the time. When they did he just locked himself in the study with Kevin. Dean kind of thought there might be something going on there but he didn't say anything. Didn't want to ruin it.

Sam drove them and Cas sat in the back, Dean's leg in his lap, looking angry at the world. Dean risked reaching over and taking Cas's fingers in his, tangling them together and earning him a small smile. It didn't matter, Sam wasn't looking and, hey, he'd earned this.

He was worthy of this.

It was hard to believe with all the shit they'd been through but he was worthy of this. He deserved it and nobody was going to tell him otherwise. Not when he had the heavenly seal of approval, which he did!

He had to let the two of them help him down into the bunker where Kevin was conveniently waiting to laugh at him for being such an idiot as to survive the apocalypse, shut the gates to heaven and hell and then be owned by a toddler who couldn't understand death. He flipped Kevin off and let Castiel shepherd him into bed, relaxing back in the sheets as they scuttled around to bring him pillows and books and food and anything else he demanded.

He knew being laid up was going to get pretty boring in only a few hours but this bit, the bit where he was suddenly king of the whole house, he didn't mind this bit at all.

Eventually Kevin disappeared back into his books, Sam following him like an attentive puppy and that left Cas. Cas who sat on the edge of the bed staring at his hands like they were holy relics or something and should be regarded carefully.

"Come on, out with it," he said, poking at Cas with his good leg. Cas frowned.

"I'm sorry. I should have been able to help you but, well, I couldn't, Dean. I couldn't stop you being hurt or heal your wounds. I'm...I'm so useless right now. You probably don't even want me here."

"Don't be such an ass," Dean said, scooting forward with some difficulty to grab his arm. "I went through hell, literally, to keep you. Powers aren't what's important, Cas. You are and I want you, whatever that means."

"If I can't help you on hunts..."

"Then we'll train you or you can stay here with Kevin and research. We'll find a way. Besides, it's too late for all this woe is me bullcrap. It's you and me forever, remember?"

"Yes," Cas said, leaning in and putting his head on Dean's shoulder. "I just hate feeling so useless."

"I know. We all do but, well, you aren't useless and I love you so shut your mouth and deal with it."

"Alright," Cas said, and Dean could tell from his tone that he was smiling again. "I will do as I'm told. Will that make you happy?"

"Probably," Dean grouched. "Though if you really want to make me happy you can fetch me more pie."

"You've had two slices," Cas replied, outraged, and Dean laughed. Life was good. Weird and somehow despite everything full of drama but good.

He was happy and he was in love and that was more than enough.


End file.
